You’re Favourite Victim.

I’m done pissing on dumpster fires. It was much easier to just hate you. Whatever the hell this is, it’s not what I’m willing to entertain for the rest of my life. I have other things to do and achieve in my life. I made a promise I kept it, but I’m done waiting for you and I’m done giving a damn. I’m not going to have you put the same knives into my back over and over and over agian. We are too old for this shit.

I am not a plaything to be used emotionally over and over agian. I will just walk the fuck away and not even think about it. You’ll be the one missing me when I’m gone. I won’t even blink and I won’t give a fuck.

You seem to think I am the only priority in your fucking life and that nothing else matters. As you are well aware you are very very very fucking wrong. Just because I make you a fucking priority doesn’t mean you are the only one in my life. Far the fuck from.

I have options and things I need to attend to and I won’t be playing this game in a decade. I shouldn’t be playing this game now.

I don’t need to be a prisoner in my own head wondering where things might have went. But as long as you are in my life that’s exactly where things are. I liked it better when you were no longer a part of me and I had moved fucking past you. I’m trying to relearn that skill because I hate who I am now and I hate the part of myself that is still in love with you. I know it’s in there somewhere but on the surface level I know that emotion isn’t truly returned or you wouldn’t hurt me the way you do.

All I am is someone to always catch you when you fall. One day you’ll hit rock bottom and all you will hit is concrete because I won’t be there.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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