Skip to main content

The American Nightmare.




I dream about you, I don’t have a choice. I know where we stand and how I feel about you. But the bottle of whiskey goes down easy to dull the fucking pain when I don’t want to fight. I don’t want you’re world and I don’t want you’re fights. I had my own wars and my own battles. Most of them were with you, that isn’t forgotten and never will.


I am have forgiven, but you’re fucking presumptive to think that I have or ever will fucking forgiven you. I’m dumb, not naive. I can still scorch you’re earth but your doing a good enough job of that on your own. You don’t need me for that.


I’m just fucking find on my own. And you’ve played your card, you’re still afraid. But not if me, you’re afraid of being alone. So instead of giving it a moment you’re going to be making bad choices. Good for you, I turned my back on that years ago.


The only nightmares I allow myself to have now I control and you aren’t one of them. I don’t understand your mind games and I do t have for your misery.


You reap what you sow and the drama you involve yourself in has nothing to do with me. I choose to live my life in a  way that has been denied to me for decades. I don’t need or want you except in my darkest places. I’m afraid to be alone too. But I’ll never choose to be miserable also, not again.


Just don’t let anyone hurt that child agian or they will see what happens when you fuck with an American nightmare. Jesus forgives, I will not.


You’ve already let it happen once and you won’t or can’t give me full disclosure. But the way you live your life in comparison to mine gives you all the risk factors. Meanwhile you opening dark places inside me I tried to forget, but those wounds in my back are inflicted by you… I have not forgotten that. The knives are still there. I’ve got no problem taking one of them and using them to defend what I hold most dear at whatever fucking cost it has to you.


You put the knife there… I have the power to pull it out and you know it. The problem is I’d be aiming right for someone’s temple… 


And I might be your Favourite victim, but the reverse still applies.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th