The American Nightmare.

I dream about you, I don’t have a choice. I know where we stand and how I feel about you. But the bottle of whiskey goes down easy to dull the fucking pain when I don’t want to fight. I don’t want you’re world and I don’t want you’re fights. I had my own wars and my own battles. Most of them were with you, that isn’t forgotten and never will.

I am have forgiven, but you’re fucking presumptive to think that I have or ever will fucking forgiven you. I’m dumb, not naive. I can still scorch you’re earth but your doing a good enough job of that on your own. You don’t need me for that.

I’m just fucking find on my own. And you’ve played your card, you’re still afraid. But not if me, you’re afraid of being alone. So instead of giving it a moment you’re going to be making bad choices. Good for you, I turned my back on that years ago.

The only nightmares I allow myself to have now I control and you aren’t one of them. I don’t understand your mind games and I do t have for your misery.

You reap what you sow and the drama you involve yourself in has nothing to do with me. I choose to live my life in a way that has been denied to me for decades. I don’t need or want you except in my darkest places. I’m afraid to be alone too. But I’ll never choose to be miserable also, not again.

Just don’t let anyone hurt that child agian or they will see what happens when you fuck with an American nightmare. Jesus forgives, I will not.

You’ve already let it happen once and you won’t or can’t give me full disclosure. But the way you live your life in comparison to mine gives you all the risk factors. Meanwhile you opening dark places inside me I tried to forget, but those wounds in my back are inflicted by you… I have not forgotten that. The knives are still there. I’ve got no problem taking one of them and using them to defend what I hold most dear at whatever fucking cost it has to you.

You put the knife there… I have the power to pull it out and you know it. The problem is I’d be aiming right for someone’s temple…

And I might be your Favourite victim, but the reverse still applies.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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