Skip to main content

The Good Old Days.



The good old days sucked. Some days I do wax nostalgic for what once was and who we were but a lot of that is imagination and distorted memories. I think that the best parts I remember are the hopes and dreams I had when he was little and every thing else is just the little positive moments we had both together and alone when he was a toddler, because life was both more complicated and simpler. But we chose to make it that way didn’t we? That’s on us not him.


I’m not looking back when it seems like I carry you now from crisis to crisis, that’s exactly what it was like every damn time we were together. At least back then we caused our own drama. Now, it’s not so much. It’s the drama of our surroundings. 


I’m noticing I don’t have as much as you do. There is a major reason for that. I have chosen to take a step back and do a reevaluation of my life and what I wanted negative and positive in it. You are a negative as things currently stand. I am willing to take the weight of the world and your pain on my shoulders but to what end? So that you can fucking blame me for the choices of others again… that’s always been part of our problem. 


I’m the convenient target.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...
Post a Comment
Read more

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...
Post a Comment
Read more