The good old days sucked. Some days I do wax nostalgic for what once was and who we were but a lot of that is imagination and distorted memories. I think that the best parts I remember are the hopes and dreams I had when he was little and every thing else is just the little positive moments we had both together and alone when he was a toddler, because life was both more complicated and simpler. But we chose to make it that way didn’t we? That’s on us not him.
I’m not looking back when it seems like I carry you now from crisis to crisis, that’s exactly what it was like every damn time we were together. At least back then we caused our own drama. Now, it’s not so much. It’s the drama of our surroundings.
I’m noticing I don’t have as much as you do. There is a major reason for that. I have chosen to take a step back and do a reevaluation of my life and what I wanted negative and positive in it. You are a negative as things currently stand. I am willing to take the weight of the world and your pain on my shoulders but to what end? So that you can fucking blame me for the choices of others again… that’s always been part of our problem.
I’m the convenient target.
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