Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

We cannot be sure of having something to live for unless we are willing to die for it. When one wonders if he should take the law into his own hands, that's not a safe environment for anyone involved. It doesn't fucking matter I have to continue, with or without assistance. I am never fucking backing down. But I am not happy that one of the people that I trusted to handle this case for the last six years has unequivocally fucked me.. The writings been on the wall for years... And this particular course of action was not unexpected... But it still fucking sucks. But I've been alone against the world before, so be it... For the sake of my son, I'd fight the denizens of hell. I'm not giving up, I'm not backing down. I don't give a fuck if I have to do it alone. Even at the point I lose faith and stop giving a shit, I don't back down and will not back down. This is my burden, my battle and my cross to bear. It has to be done... It cannot be abandoned. It ...

War is like a monster," he says, almost to himself. "War is the devil. It starts and it consumes and it grows and grows and grows." He's looking at me now. "And otherwise normal men become monsters, too. You know what sucks? Waiting. You've already shown your true colours... But thanks to an idiots own self interest we have to start over... It's going to be an interesting fucking month, it's going to be an interesting aspect of the next step of the war. Things aren't over, not by a long shot... It's just time to re evaluate and see where the fuck things are going... I have very little patience for people or the process at this stage.... Once it was all about ending the game, not having it last forever, now I have to make that choice. Is it going to go on forever if I start it agian or do I let her actions damn herself and allow myself to fade into memory. Sadly, I already know the choice my sheer force of will will end up making... The only...

I may be on the side of the angels... But don't think for one second that I am one of them. I have no love lost for this holiday. It only brings up anger and sadness. The only reason I note the passing if this holiday is because it's another holiday stolen from me, another day, another experience missed. That's what's been taken away. That's why with my dying breath I am in the this fight. For the long run if I have to. There might not be and end, but there will be an ending.it pisses me off how much I have sacrificed and will continue to sacrifice for as long as I have to. It's a I nessacary evil but it's a constant pain in the fucking ass. I shouldn't have to fight and struggle as much as I have. But as long as I make him the only priority with no distractions, hopefully one day it will be worth it. It just feels so hollow right now. I miss my kid, it should never have come to this... And the weight on my shoulders is doubled thanks to certain re...

Crazy people always think they're perfectly sane. It's what makes them so crazy; their entire delusion lies within the fact that they believe they aren't deluded. At the end of the day this is a battle between me and you over heart and the soul of our child, period, everyone else is just a pawn in the fucking game.. there is some sweet vindication to knowing that when you're next opening chess move was to burn another bridge and show your true colors... Nothing's over yet but i am a lot less angry and a lot more determined than i was yesterday..... and that's due to your decisions shortly after court, there has to be an end to this and I think that you are doing what you have always done and been fucking predictable, and this time it's going to blow up in your face... the walls are falling down and you are cornered, and the best part, you're doing it to yourself. I had no part in the decision you made yesterday.this needs to have an ending and i think...

And now...farewell to kindness, humanity and gratitude. I have substituted myself for Providence in rewarding the good; may the God of vengeance now yield me His place to punish the wicked. Who benefited today? My wishes and concerns were not heard, and we are back at fucking square one... with nothing to show for six year of hell. I objected to this course of events and was still forced into a fucking corner, with No options, and even less than I had before. I am glad that I made sure that my objection was heard in court and I expect the next step of this to go exactly as predicted. I trust no one and even those that are supposed to have my interests as well as my fucking son's in mind fuck me over what I told him to do.. I want to see that bitch on the stand.. I want to see her testify... It's about a pound of flesh, I understand that the family court system is far beyond broken but she should not be able to spend almost every second of his life preventing me from being ...

It was the sort of anger that comes to a slow boil inside the hearts of good men who want justice, and finding it out of their grasp, decide vengeance is the next best thing. I'm sick of all the players and pawns in this chess game. Maybe at this point it's time to take some of the pieces off the table and clear the board. At the end of the day it's a king vs a queen trying to protect the other king. Maybe this long in the tooth, it's time to go down to the fucking basics. Me vs. her. This has to end, and if there are people that are just pawns, or with divided loyalties... Or personal agendas, I don't need them. Or want them involved. I want my pound of flesh, I want her on the stand in court, I need to see her squirm, I need to see her testify. If hope is gone, I have no problem settling for vengeance. Current Mood: Determined. Some justice, though did not deal with kindheartedness or good feeling toward others. No, justice had a darker side, a gray area...

In the middle of the journey of our life I found myself within a dark woods where the straight way was lost. I am uncomfortable with the fact i feel I am being bullied to decision that is not the correct path for me or my child because another person does not have my interests or my child's at heart, only his own. I am unsure of the reasons but I do know that the longer i consider it, the longer i am convinced it is not the correct course of action, and that it is being done for selfish reasons and it is no longer likely that i will agree to it. i believe that it leaves with fewer options that before and leaves me and this entire case vulnerable.. as much as i am prepared for this to end badly, i do not feel that making the decision to end this as it stands now will have anything other than an adverse effect on my case and my life and i do not trust the person pressuring me into making this decision, I need to consider options and decide for myself.. I have lost faith in the pro...