Guardians Of Asgaard

I still can't feel a fucking thing and I am supposed to be looking forward to a tommorow that will never come, at least i have been fucking smart enough to prepare for the enviatable and prepare paperwork and alternatives, a smart man is always prepared for armageddon in his personal life, sometime's hard choices and Hard desicions have to come naturally, it's not like I ever chose the easy way out anyways, It has to be a struggle or i am not fufflied, it has to be the way of sorrow and pain, One chooses to be alone so that he does not affect anyone else, it's a good thing that as accostumed to the revolving door of people in my life that the children I look after, or at least did, have the same mentality... you fucking wonder what in the world would cause a child to have attachment disorder, looking in the mirror at management might help. i never claimed to be anything more than a man but it's getting me that it's real fucking fucking obvious that instead of being on this side of the coin i need to be on the advocacy side of the equation, you cannot create change from the inside... you will only be broken down and have the meat stripped from your bones before they throw you away, and leave you with nothing.

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music:Amon Amarth - Guardians Of Asgaard
There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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