I am getting sick of living my life as mere survival, it's been over ten years since i set out on some crazy mission to make a difference and even then i find myself spiraling into a black hole of nothing, I have tried to make the best choices for myself and my loved ones and stay independent but it seems that everything I do ends up with me fucked over. I can't sit and sacrifice anymore,there's nothing left to draw blood from a stone... all i feel around me is the darkness creeping in, I am to the point that i can't even afford to spend father's day with my son because of bills have taken priority, what the hell is the use of being a good person when all you get is nothing? If I went back to someone who never gave a shit and didn't care about others would I be stronger, more ahead of the game? pretty fucking sad that I had better things and never had worries like the ones that are piling up right fucking now back when i was on the streets or in jail, and dealing with bullshit people from the government saying we'd like to help you but you have a job and our hands are tied... we'll maybe it's time i just put my hand threw a window and get three squares a day and make myself eligible for the rubber room again, there's only so much control one person can have and when life seems to have taken it all from you and left you with nothing not even table scraps it's time to analyze that life and make decisions based on human nature not on doing what's right or wrong...or what you think is the right thing, his year has been revealing and I'm sick of living on societies scraps, there's going to be a big change this summer and i can't completely say it's going to be a positive one.. better to die happy than live miserably. it's fucking sad that I've been employed steadily for the past 2 years but when push comes to shove I'd have been better off getting disability and living like a sloth on my couch like so called friends.... who never have time for anyone but there own basic fucking wants.... It's like i don't exist... maybe i never have. Of course i have this goddamn altruistic nature and i wanted to make a difference.. of course that need.. that want.. whatever it is.. it's slowly leaving me, i Did not become what i am in my career to merely survive, if it comes down to survival i will find alternatives.... I can always Quit... and no longer give a fuck...
About anything... Anyone..
Current Mood: Angry.
Riddick: Remember that favorite game of yours?
Kyra: "Who's the Better Killer?"
Riddick: Let's play. .
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