An American Prayer

Sometimes as long as one is focused one can turn ones fortunes around easily... of course it doesn't hurt when one get's angry and focuses that in a positive manner as well... as long as I continue to look forward and stop letting the world behind me get me down i'll be fine, of course I'm not exactly going to let myself rest on my laurels now that i'm back to work, time for the job search to continue and some of my new goals in my life need to get me to where i want, i shouldn't just be happy at the plateau, i should be aiming higher, and not just limiting myself, yes i want to write a book about my experiences in my life and in my feild all 25 years of it, but i also want to maybe get something happening musically agian, and i should start transcribing my poetry books into a computer and get them either to my freinds to be turned into songs or write my own poetry book or spoken word album like an american prayer. i need to stop pretending like there's nothing out there for me to achive and start having the goals i have locked away with the skeletons in my closet come out and play agian,

Current mood: Determined.
Current Music: Offspring, The Kids Aren't Alright
you are young beuatiful, and full of life - people should pay you to hang out with them because their lives are so dull. Live by it and you can have an absurd existence too....

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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