Coma White.

If today is any indication of my future with my current employer then i don't have one, nothing like doing training that wasn't required and was unpaid after doing a fucking midnight shift, my NVCI was still current this was just an exercise in laziness just to make sure that it was done so it doesn't have to be done until next march, which if any indication of the way i'm feeling today, exactly 2 years less a day since i started for this mickey mouse organization is any indication I won't be anywhere around in a year... you know people go to prison in the provincial system for 2 yearsd less a day, this place feels like a prison to and i'm crawling to get out, when my coworkers are noticing that i'm less than happy and that it does seem like managment is trying to push me out and other staff are quitting over ethical and proffesional issues with this particular house, why am i hanging on and watching my career get pissed down the toilet, that's right i don't have anything else, i think it's time to get aggresive, and the fact being that i have my own concerns at home that take fucking precedence over anything happening at work probaly mean that i should be looking at a return to niagara or a chance in sept to follow my ex wife around like a little lost puppydog to wherever she wants to go.. I know for a fact that i'm starting to lose some of the qualitys i have tried in the last ten years to obtain for myself, the heavier drinking is once agian returning, the pessimist world outlook is back, and i start donning dark colours and skull tshirts more often to go to work, there's no time anymore for me to be at peace with myself, the angry loud rock music rather than the feel good music is back and i feel myself returning to the dark person i used to be, at least the one thing about going back and embracing the darknesss and possibly soon the darker image, is that when I was that person i was young I was angry and I was the kind of person a Weaker person would walk across the street to advoid, the fact that i want to leave Hamilton to advoid weaklings like that who are pathetic and take only what they can from other people no matter the cost, is the fucking fact that angry ball of hate or not, dark and evil goth or not, i accomplish things on my own and i give no quarter for anyone elses failings but my own,m if i can't achive my wants and needs on my own i simply don't have them, but i think it's time i go back to being the person i was before i got educated, because as much as the emotions have been muted there is still a fire in my belly to achive change, and that's not happening at my employment, that's not happening with my life, it's not happening in Hamilton period. there has to be another option, and if i'm going to have to be starving i shouldn't be working full time to pay bills and support my child and have an empty belly at the end of the day...my hunger used to fuel me, now it's just there, leaving me empty and hollow.

Current Mood: Angry.
At birth, I was cast into a flaming pit of scum forgotten by God.