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Torn.....

One of these days the women in my fucking life are gonna need to decide exactly what they want to do with their life, its funny to be talking about the good old days with my ex wife and how i was gonna buy the ring and six years ago we were planning on being married, 7 years ago we were trying to have a child... now she comes to me for advice about selling her house and wants me to be part of the decision and listens to me for my advice as a parent as it relates to our boy, it was nice to establish aq common ground that she doesnt plan on having any more children and given that ill be 35 this year and there is only one real candidate should i choose to have another kid it doesnt really seem like a likelyhood, i got the distinct feeling last night that my ex was digging for answers to see if i was willing to come back into her life full time instead of being a partial observer, but the thing is now i have the leverage in my life, im happy where i am, my son is happy with the way things are, and i have a relationship waiting in the wings if she ever gets his shit together and figures out what shes gonna do.. its nice to have her already reffered to as my girlfreind, nope shes just my girl, and ive been with her on and off for 21 years and if we ever got our heads together and got back together, yeah, im gonna die in her arms as a very old man.... of course theirs still time for you to fix things and you are the mother of my child but do you really think that i need to wait another 3years until you are forty and old, and decide that I was the back up plan, we went thru this shit at 30... its funny how you go thru relationships like ninty, but yet the ones that matters for me endure... maybe that says something about the people we are, or maybe im just an idiot thinking that you could ever be worthy of redemption after all weve been thru, one thing i know for certian, it wasnt me who needed to grow up way back then, i was a full grown man, you still live your life on other peoples thoughts...

Current Mood: Conflicted.
Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage.

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