Skip to main content

Torn.....

One of these days the women in my fucking life are gonna need to decide exactly what they want to do with their life, its funny to be talking about the good old days with my ex wife and how i was gonna buy the ring and six years ago we were planning on being married, 7 years ago we were trying to have a child... now she comes to me for advice about selling her house and wants me to be part of the decision and listens to me for my advice as a parent as it relates to our boy, it was nice to establish aq common ground that she doesnt plan on having any more children and given that ill be 35 this year and there is only one real candidate should i choose to have another kid it doesnt really seem like a likelyhood, i got the distinct feeling last night that my ex was digging for answers to see if i was willing to come back into her life full time instead of being a partial observer, but the thing is now i have the leverage in my life, im happy where i am, my son is happy with the way things are, and i have a relationship waiting in the wings if she ever gets his shit together and figures out what shes gonna do.. its nice to have her already reffered to as my girlfreind, nope shes just my girl, and ive been with her on and off for 21 years and if we ever got our heads together and got back together, yeah, im gonna die in her arms as a very old man.... of course theirs still time for you to fix things and you are the mother of my child but do you really think that i need to wait another 3years until you are forty and old, and decide that I was the back up plan, we went thru this shit at 30... its funny how you go thru relationships like ninty, but yet the ones that matters for me endure... maybe that says something about the people we are, or maybe im just an idiot thinking that you could ever be worthy of redemption after all weve been thru, one thing i know for certian, it wasnt me who needed to grow up way back then, i was a full grown man, you still live your life on other peoples thoughts...

Current Mood: Conflicted.
Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.
Post a Comment
Read more