Stacking the Deck...

Yes at this point It's an uphill battle connecting with the services I need and constant phone tag with people that don't find the defining moment of my life important, but you know what I have been in their position before and I do understand that what is the entire world to me is only part of their daily job, so i do endure the constant phone tag and missed connections and phone calls, because if for only a moment if things finally go right and the way they should 6 months to a year from now things will be back to normal or at least a little better, i could sit around in apathy and be bitter but instead i am chasing these people, I am trying to make things right and showing an effort towards getting things done... The dark part of my life and my soul can't destroy the light forever, the dark person i left behind over ten years ago can't either... I would not be waging this battle battle except for one innocent soul, you would have been a dead memory in my past otherwise, long forgotten.. but this is my life and there are now second chances so i am making every chess movement i can, i am playing every card, I am Stacking the deck, it takes time, it takes patience and it takes endurance, but it needs to be done and I will prevail at the end.

Current Mood: Determination.
I'd rather die my way than live yours

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

The Sinner.

I make no Bones that I’m a bad person, and I’m someone who has made mistakes. I take pride in being the bad guy, the villain and most of all a willing sinner. I will take full responsibility for all the things I have done. It’s the one thing I didn’t do I was convicted on. But that was my choice, when I make the gates of St. Peter or the gates of hell I can be judged. After all I have a throne waiting. I hold no illusions as to where I’m headed. The thing is people like you will join me there. I’ll see you on the seventh layer reserved for betrayers. The sad part is that if you remained a fucking ghost I would not have had an issue with you. But you had to make it fucking personal. Father Time has a long memory, and I don’t forget anything. You have some serious skeletons rattling in your closet and I can destroy you. I’m already dead, I’ve already been killed. One shot, Boom. Children’s aid won. Nothing you or anyone else can do, can hurt me. You can only hurt those I care about. And ...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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