Amityville II: The Possesion

Losing my fucking mind all the fucking time these days, I am uncomfortable here and I am seriously trying to figure everything out... I don't like feeling fucking unsafe and the lack of respect is fucking insane...patience level is low and i feel like I'm fucking living in an insane asylum, I currently do not fucking feel like this is a safe place to bring my son home too.. too much fucking bullshit this weekend and then to have a major fucking incident over the fact you want fucking internet? buy a fucking Ethernet wire... I've already help to raise a fucking adult, i'm not about to fucking babysit two men that should be dealing with their own shit and issues...I won't be fucking walked over, I'll walk away first.. so fucking fed up with this shit...i'd rather be fucking homeless and hanging with my homies and saying fuck the world than trying to be respectable and fighting so fucking hard to make things right... I don't need to lose my fucking temper every day over simplistic fucking shit... I have bigger concerns in this fucking world to deal with and this baby shit is getting on my nerves.. i basically gave notice today... i am fucking looking to move on, I need somewhere to be fucking comfortable and safe and if that ain't gonna happen here.. i'm fucking gone...

Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: 2pac, Brenda's got a Baby.
Stop the world. I want to get off.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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