Keeping the Darkness at Arms Length...

Some days i feel the darkness more than other days but today i got to stand firm on both feet and deal with a number of things that needed to be done... the first was dealing with some buisness and even tho i feel let down by it some days it is a steady source of income and allows to have some adventures and i'm not exactly starving or going without right now, I have a little nest egg set up for whatever is needed and i am doing some serious move forward even if other days it's thru a clusterfuck of errors that things aren't where they should be... of course none of this should be happening in the first place...but i firmly stood my ground with any direction that needed to be handled today with the people that needed to be handled and i will do the same tommorow, sometimes the void is looking back and sometimes I allow it too, Not today.

Current Mood: Determined.
Darkness tends to embolden haters to have a voice. They will find every dark corner, every crack in a wall, or shady spot under a tree to spread lies or put you down. If you shine a light where all the noise is coming from, they will scatter in search of another dark spot to hide.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

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