Keeping the Darkness at Arms Length...

Some days i feel the darkness more than other days but today i got to stand firm on both feet and deal with a number of things that needed to be done... the first was dealing with some buisness and even tho i feel let down by it some days it is a steady source of income and allows to have some adventures and i'm not exactly starving or going without right now, I have a little nest egg set up for whatever is needed and i am doing some serious move forward even if other days it's thru a clusterfuck of errors that things aren't where they should be... of course none of this should be happening in the first place...but i firmly stood my ground with any direction that needed to be handled today with the people that needed to be handled and i will do the same tommorow, sometimes the void is looking back and sometimes I allow it too, Not today.

Current Mood: Determined.
Darkness tends to embolden haters to have a voice. They will find every dark corner, every crack in a wall, or shady spot under a tree to spread lies or put you down. If you shine a light where all the noise is coming from, they will scatter in search of another dark spot to hide.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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