Path Of Destruction...

I'm not a happy man right now and I know exactly why.. I am not going to be anyone emotional punching bag anymore... i would not take this shit in a fucking relationship there is no way in hell i will take it in a living arrangement... i have enough stress in my life with the person that used my life, my child and my career as her emotional punching bag for years and i have been so distracted by this petty emotional outburst that seems like an almost constant thing that things that have been important have been hard to deal with... those things come fucking first... I will make the world my personal path of destruction to deal with those.. i really don't care about your personal fucking problems I have my own, when I made a personal whipping boy for your frustrations on the world and i endure days on end of it i will seriously start considering my options. I am very close to giving fucking notice right now and walking away, I am paying over market rent for something that needs a lot of work and it's very fucking clear that the only way it will get done is if I do and if i pay for repairs to someone else's house that's not even entirely hers, here's the the thing... I've already put up roofs and paint and walls and shit in a house i can't even call mine and poured heart, sweat and soul into a place for someone I loved who took everything away from me... i won't do it to have comfortable living space... that's what a fucking husband is for not a tenant..i will away and burn everything behind me... that's my fucking modus operandi.. walk away and burn every bridge... the only thing that kept me in Hamilton or the golden horseshoe region is that blonde little boy in Niagara.. it's the only thing that got me to come back, He is the one thing I will never walk away from... everything else i can take or leave, Jesus fucking Christ what the hell am i doing here? i have options elsewhere... i had them in novemeber. it's time to take a stand and make this work or walk away... i can move back to niagara falls easily for the duration or hide in Windsor just as easily.

Current Mood: Pissed off.
Current Music: Till I collapse, Eminem
The things a man has to have are hope and confidence in himself against odds, and sometimes he needs somebody, his pal or his mother or his wife or God, to give him that confidence. He's got to have some inner standards worth fighting for or there won't be any way to bring him into conflict. And he must be ready to choose death before dishonor without making too much song and dance about it. That's all there is to it.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog