Skip to main content

Path Of Destruction...

I'm not a happy man right now and I know exactly why.. I am not going to be anyone emotional punching bag anymore... i would not take this shit in a fucking relationship there is no way in hell i will take it in a living arrangement... i have enough stress in my life with the person that used my life, my child and my career as her emotional punching bag for years and i have been so distracted by this petty emotional outburst that seems like an almost constant thing that things that have been important have been hard to deal with... those things come fucking first... I will make the world my personal path of destruction to deal with those.. i really don't care about your personal fucking problems I have my own, when I made a personal whipping boy for your frustrations on the world and i endure days on end of it i will seriously start considering my options. I am very close to giving fucking notice right now and walking away, I am paying over market rent for something that needs a lot of work and it's very fucking clear that the only way it will get done is if I do and if i pay for repairs to someone else's house that's not even entirely hers, here's the the thing... I've already put up roofs and paint and walls and shit in a house i can't even call mine and poured heart, sweat and soul into a place for someone I loved who took everything away from me... i won't do it to have comfortable living space... that's what a fucking husband is for not a tenant..i will away and burn everything behind me... that's my fucking modus operandi.. walk away and burn every bridge... the only thing that kept me in Hamilton or the golden horseshoe region is that blonde little boy in Niagara.. it's the only thing that got me to come back, He is the one thing I will never walk away from... everything else i can take or leave, Jesus fucking Christ what the hell am i doing here? i have options elsewhere... i had them in novemeber. it's time to take a stand and make this work or walk away... i can move back to niagara falls easily for the duration or hide in Windsor just as easily.

Current Mood: Pissed off.
Current Music: Till I collapse, Eminem
The things a man has to have are hope and confidence in himself against odds, and sometimes he needs somebody, his pal or his mother or his wife or God, to give him that confidence. He's got to have some inner standards worth fighting for or there won't be any way to bring him into conflict. And he must be ready to choose death before dishonor without making too much song and dance about it. That's all there is to it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...