There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.
I don't like being a prisoner, and I like being caged even less. I live the way I have always lived, by my wits. Even when the name of the game is survival. There was a time when I wanted material things and a time when I didn't. Now I'm just merely frustrated and wondering the next step in my life, I fucking hate roadblocks. I've always moved forward in my life and never backed down from anything or anyone, this bullshit of just waiting plays upon the mind. It was one thing when I had distractions to play upon the mind and made some of the pain a little less immediate, but the last few years will only be remembered as a monument to my child, nothing more, a glass shelf of things that could have been and what's left, a forgotten memory of what I have lost and can never have back.... All these distractions, did nothing but numb the pain.... And keep me going for something other than the fucking battle, this war that I have had to endure for so fucking long, without it, I wouldn't be standing here, and maybe that needs to be commentated In some small measure, but Make no mistake it is part of my past and it's only a memory, and not one I look fondly upon, when one dream died for a little while, another that was little more than a pipe dream when I was child rose like the phoenix to replace it.... But it would have been better had it been shared with him, alone, it was just a means to an end, the farther I get away from it, the less nostalgia I feel for it, there are bigger things in my world that take precedence and have always been at the forefront, no matter what lies I have told myself to fool myself into thinking otherwise, the only thing I feel about it is bitter that he was denied the experience.
While it's sad that it's ending, nothing gets me going more than having my back agianst the wall, feeling alone, hungry and fucking feral, once you piss me off this much, all the apathy fades away and the only thing left is the fuckin rage within, I can, has, and will serve me well. I just have to focus it all In the right direction and make it so every effort the past few years has not been in vain.... Its time to be reckoned with once agian, it's time to prove to those that think they are above me, above judgement and above the law that they are not, it's time to shake the foundations. They have me a moment of fear and doubt within myself, now it's time for the same emotions to go thru them.... I don't back down... And every thing that has been endured has been so for a reason, and when I find that being the thing that stares me in the face once agian, it's time to be very militant, it's time to fight, it's time to throw bones, it's time to show them that I am a man without fear, but I am a man you should fear.... Tell me, do you bleed? You will, you all will.
I have never lived my life by that societies rules and I never will. If that makes me dangerous and an outlaw so be it, there are worst things I could be... But I won't hide from a open confrontation the way that they constantly do... I stand and fight, even if I'm gonna go down in a blaze of glory, at least I know it will be a fucking epic one. there are people that have good reason to fear everything from me.. and there is one person that should never fear me at all.. I hope one day he will know that...
Current Mood: Determined.
“What do you fear, lady?" Aragorn Asked,
"A cage," Eowyn Said "To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire
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