Why is it that I can work in my field without an issue hypothetically yet I am supposedly not allowed to be around my children? There is an agenda at work to attempt to silence me because I have spoken out on more than one occasion in multiple media formats. I'm no stranger to other people and their agendas. Everyone has them, even me. The difference is I'm not continuing to maliciously destroy anyone life to prove a point, I am concerned that this was a last stab at me from a disgruntled employee of the government because of what's coming.... I'm also concerned about this following me the rest of my fucking life... I am miserable and at war, but it is a war I need to fight, forty years and I am defined by only one thing, who and what my circumstances were when I was fucking eight years old, the system moulded me, made me what I am.... But they have never and will never define what I am, that's something only I alone do myself. That's part of my agenda. I don't deal well with these fuckers for very good reasons. I have plenty of reason to know exactly what makes them tick and why they might have an agenda to destroy me, the problem is, I have had for decades an agenda to destroy them, but always from within.
Just because I know how these motherfuckers work and I can think like them doesn't mean I like them anymore than I did as a kid, in fact because they are complicit in taking away my son and fuelling a mad woman's insanity the past five years I probably hate them a lot more now, not to mention this latest instance, I know why the system fears me, and I don't fear it, I've been on the other side of the fence, I know exactly what lurks there, both as a client and a as an employee, you can't brand children as money and warehouse them forever, one day they grow up, they grow old, they get bitter... But they don't forget where that they came from... Or what's been done to them, and when you attack their children, then you might as well have created matyr, I'll die before my kid has any further involvement with the system, that will never happen, I played nice once because that used to be my only fear, I should have been a lot more afraid, but now I'm not the one that needs to be afraid, I'm the one that the system needs to fear.... I just need to decide how far I'm willing to take my agenda, that decision is being made very soon. I don't do politics and I don't allow others to fucking influence me on this. All this battle is, it is intensely fucking personal, and I'm starting to believe that this will end up being the battle and the war that will kill me... But that remains to be seen, for some reason I can still summon the strength to stand up and fight and go to war.... Against the evil empire every time I have to, even when I shouldn't have to.
I know exactly how to answer a threat, and that is by being an even bigger threat, not just psychically, but mentally and politically. If their side sends one of yours to the hospital you send one of theirs to the morgue.... It is about intimidation and whose the more intimidating party, I have given them someone to fear, they don't like being afraid... Or intimidating, they are in the business of being bullies, I'm in the business of being a bigger and better bully, and I do a damn good job, I know I'm intimidating and I know I don't back down from anyone, ever.
Current Mood: Angry.
Current Music: War Pigs, Black Sabbath
They showed me that the world only makes sense when you force it to.
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