There is always a storm. There is always rain. Some experience it. Some live through it. And others are made from it.
The most important gift you can give your children is the importance of standing up to injustice. Children will remember moments spent with you. However, it isn't togetherness that creates humane parents and righteous kids. It is the example of integrity that a parent sets and the on going lessons they teach about compassion toward others throughout their lives. A good father or mother teaches their children that cruelty is not something you cause or ignore, rather it is the moment you suit up for war.
There is simply no emotion for you anymore, only apathy, only a want to have the process over with no more stalling and no more games. I am aware that given our relationship that will not likely come to pass. But it's not about you and I it never has been, at least one of remembers that fact. My sole drive and the whole reason this needs to end is the welfare of that little boy, you've taken him away for far too long. It's time for ending, it's time to give our little man some closure and call a ceasefire, but that's on you, always has been, the difference is now, like it or not the story will end, we will decide how it does. There is nothing left for me to do except be a brick wall that remains standing in this battle, I've been thru the fire and flames, I'm not the villain of your story I never have been. But it's time to reach the conclusion. I'm frustrated and scared and all over the place with my emotions but I'm still moving forward, It doesn't matter how I feel, only what I do. That's the game, it's time to end it. I don't give a fuck if I'm afraid of any of the process, I'll stand and endure it, it's important to me and it's important to him that I have done exactly that. This is how the story will end, I won't ever be giving up even if I'm afraid because at my core I am only afraid of one fucking thing, losing him forever. Let's end this.
It's been five years and trust me I have counted every day, every second, every moment of our our lives that you have taken away from us. Five years I have patiently waited for this moment, a moment I'm still waiting on. You destroyed my fucking life and that of my child, and you're fucking poison continues to affect every fucking thing that I do. It's not about who I am anymore, it's not about either of us, but the minute it becomes something else, the minute I start fucking rebuilding and your immature actions start to destroy it all agian, it's time to really fucking consider what happens to a man that has truly decided that he's has nothing fucking left, is he someone to run away from? Is he something to fear? Is the demon you have made him into something you cannot control? What happens when what you have created turns on you and you're the guilty party? I don't know anymore if I have the time and patience for the system, it's seems like such a waste of time to depend on the system legally, there are other options, there are alternatives, maybe it's time I take a look into the looking glass and decide which of the alternatives will serve me the fucking best? It's time to fight or it's time to give up, I'll die before I surrender, but maybe the slow road, the patient path is no longer the correct course of action. There are other ways. I can and will end you and fucking destroy you. There is simply nothing else left to accomplish, if there is going to be reckoning let there be, I've long since been stripped bare, it's you're fucking turn, just remember this, this monster you have created , I have teeth... And no emotion for you... Where once I may have caressed your throat with a kiss, now I'm just aiming for it, you tore my heart and soul from me and made me question the kind of man I am... It's too fucking bad that you can't deal with the demon you have unleashed, I have never feared judgement, because when it comes down to it's a double sided coin, and whatever I have had to endure you will endure a thousandfold on the space of a week. I'm prepared to roll the dice and play the cards and lay myself bare, can you honestly say that you are willing to say the same fucking thing, the diffrence between you and I is that you have a horse in this race, something to lose, I lost everything a long time ago by your hand... The only thing I have left is judgement, this is how things will end.. For now.. It's been too long coming, and the reality is that the truth of the matter is that as long as he is a minor in your care, this will never fucking end. That's your choice... Never mine. My choice is never giving up, no matter the cost. No compromise, even in the face of Armageddon, that's always been the diffrence between us.... Now at the moment of ending, it rings more true than usual... I look back and know what that I have lost, but what the hell have you truly fucking gained.... If this is the last battle, let's give it all that we have, let's throw every punch at each other, let's lay every part of our souls bare, we've already done it once when we were together, why not when on opposing sides, there is nothing I have ever cared to hide from you, I know what my secrets are, but yours, yours can be deadly, and I assure you, they will be laid bare on the battlefield, just as you have done the same to me this past half decade.... Reap it bitch, reap the whirlwind you have created. That's exactly where the two of us stand, opposing sides on reckoning day for the soul of the one thing most precious to both of us, this isn't a fight about who loves him more or who is/was the better parent. This has always been about you depriving him of a father, I really fucking hope you realize that, you haven't taken anything away from me, it's what you have done to him. Never me.
This will end, it has to, one day, but it's your choice on when that day comes, as long as you give me a reason this battle will fucking continue, it doesn't matter how, I know the only way this will truly end, and that's at the end of a bullet, the only thing I can promise him is that it will never be self inflicted. But as long as he remains our child, I have no doubts and no illusions that you will ever let this war end. I know you completely and you're fuckin predictable, every battle, every victory is meaningless, but this only ends when one of us is dead... And that's not going to happen anytime soon, not as long as the black pitch that bleeds the same blood that's inside of him, as long as my dark, angry, rage filled broken, black hole of a heart knows that he is my son, as long as I draw breath, as long as my heart is beating and has that one little bit left that is pure, it won't end... I will never give up or abandon my son.... I hope one day he knows that for sure, and I hope the same thought haunts every fiber of your being, forever. I will also be the devil standing here to haunt you for you're selfish decisions. I will will always be the monster and the demon your actions created, but even demons can fight for the right reasons, and that I will always do, until I can do it no more. When I want to be I can be the most self destructive person ever, now imagine me using that energy to destroy someone else because I simply have nothing more to lose, this is the apex point, this is the end one way or another, I've promised you I will destroy you... I intend to keep that promise. This is a war you can't fucking win.
It really bothers me that a relationship that has been dead for over a decade continues to dominate my life, you could not control me then, I guess this is your revenge. Pathetic. Sometimes I just wonder when you will be done extracting your pound of flesh. I have more than realized exactly what you have done to my life and my future, you've destroyed it, a lesser man would not be standing here, much less still standing tall, even tho you still chip away at me at every opportunity. I understand now, this only ends when I am dead, that's the curse you've given me.
At least I know, when my time comes and it's over, I go out on my own two feet, standing my ground, knowing that I fought for what I believed in. You can take everything else away from me, and you have, but when this ends, and I'm dead and gone, I'll have done it the only way I know how, on my own terms. That's my legacy, that's who I am. When it's all said and done, I know exactly where I stand and where I'm going, I don't think you can say the same.
Current mood: Depressed, Angry.
People who are unable to stand within the dark places of life, those who are always running towards their happy places, are the same things as candles without flames. There is no worth in a candle without a flame, and we only add the flame when there is darkness. Without darkness, there would be no need for warriors and angels. Warriors are not made because the whole world is happy and angels were not formed because there are no demons. Be of worth, have a flame.
Priests might divide the world into good and bad. In battle there was strong and weak and nothing else.
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