Then stop trying to throw logic at nightmares. Sometimes the monsters are real, Sometimes they're real and the only way to defeat them is to be the bigger monster.
I have let this war and this battle consume my every thought, my every fiber of being, I am not sure if I know what will happen afterwards or the man I will become, the only thing that keeps me going some day is knowing that I will meet you on the battlefield soon, and the fucking odds are not balanced in either favour, so it might actually be a fair fight, but I'm not coming there to lose, even tho it's a possibility and I am prepared for that, but I will take you to your and my limit, you gave me hell these last five years, I'm gonna make you feel the same in a fucking week. I'm not going to hold back, every weapon, every piece of ammunition, every wrong you have inflicted upon me this last decade, it's going to be laid bare, I've got nothing left to fear in this war, I've been stripped of everything, to the skeleton, to the fucking bone... But I'm still standing, and I'm still throwing haymakers, I'm not backing down, this may be my final stand, this may be my last hour, but I'll be damned if it's anything less than all I have left, win or fucking lose, I'll make you feel the pain you have inflicted on both me and him, because this battle has never been about me and you, about the hate we mutually share for each other, it's only about him, and I will go to my grave knowing I fought for him, win or lose, whatever happens. I will be prepared for it, I'm not sure you can say the fucking same, not do I give a flying fuck how you feel anyways, just remeber, I'm bringing everything to the fucking table and I will not back down, you're not going to ever make me back down either, I live for the battle, I live for the fight, I live for this war, it's all I have fucking left so it will mean something, maybe not today or tommorow, but one day, he will know I fought for him, and never gave up, never compromised, never backed down... Why the hell would I? There is nothing in this world I fear anymore and no one, especially her. But she does have reason to fucking fear me... She did that to herself, and I will afford her no quarter on this last battlefield, she's no worthy enemy, there is no honour between us, but I still am always going to abide by my own personal code of ethics and while I have lost everything, I have never given up my honour, I'm not going to sink to her level, I simply do not have to, her own words will damn her... But I'm not going to back down ever... This is merely another battle in a lifetime at war, and it's never been about my lifetime... But it's time to end, you deserve peace and normality, something I've long forgotten existed, but you also need your father, and that's why I will endure any hell I need to, to fucking end this. It's always going to be about you, and never about her... And I don't feel remorse for her anymore, not even a little bit in the tiny pit of my black soul that once loved her, the only room for love, for emotion that's left, is what keeps me going every day, what is left,what makes me this unrelenting blood knight, it's reserved for you and you alone, because you are my son, and that's all that's important in this end game. Win or lose, that's the only important thing. All I know how to do in this world anymore is fight, but I fight for the right reasons, always. Without kindness, without remorse, without fear, without mercy, I fight. Until the battle is over, until the battle is won. There is a reason I play by my rules and only by my rules of engagement in this world. That way I stand on my own two feet and only on my own, I don't depend on people to let me down, I take care of myself, and those I need to, and only those I need to, you're mother understood this once, but she's made her life choices and you and I have had to live with them, and I have had to fight, that's my cross to bear, and I bear it gladly, this is my fight to lose or win, I'm prepared for both, as long as I've done the right thing, the righteous man has nothing to fear. I stand on my own and I can take care of myself, have since day one. I don't need you in my life anymore than I have to fucking endure you as part of it, but I will fight you, as long as the fighting is needed to be done. All I know is that I will show no mercy and no remorse on the battlefield, but I will keep my word and not devalue my own code of ethics and my honour, even when I fight those that have neither, it's why I'm a better person, and a stronger person, I have to be, win or lose, it's gonna set an example when he comes looking for answers, I don't have to go down to her level, I just have to be prepared to meet her there.
I know for a fact that in the next week I'm going to piss a lot of people off, friend and foe alike, that's the game, there is something more important at stake, but it is frustrating at this stage of the game to still be grasping at straws, I will show no mercy and no quarter, and if it means more than a few bridges needed to be burned to accomplish that, I'm right here with plenty of gasoline and a lighter.... I'll gladly bask in those fucking flames, this has to come to a fucking ending, I can't fight an endless battle forever, this is the final stage, there will be an outcome, it's not bloody likely that anything will ever change or that this will amount to more than a farce and a circus of epic proportions but this is what we have been building to for five years, this is less than 32 moves to checkmate, and it will always be about the little king, not the corrupt black queen, not her pawns in the system, and the white knight on the board that will always oppose her, even if he's the last piece on the board to protect his little king, this is deadly chess, always has been, but the game is about to be over, for the moment. It's time to end, show me your worst because I'm about to show you mine, and win or lose, this is my defining moment, and more than that, it will define his life, it already has.... This puts a stop to that, period.
Current Mood: Angry, Bitter, Determined.
Current Music: Guns and Roses, Estranged.
No one is an unjust villain in his own mind. Even - perhaps even especially - those who are the worst of us. Some of the cruelest tyrants in history were motivated by noble ideals, or made choices that they would call 'hard but necessary steps' for the good of their nation. We're all the hero of our own story.
Mine wasn't the most original approach to the problem. It wasn't as if it hadn't been all done before. An eye for an eye, the first principal of revenge, old as dirt, still going strong.
What enables the enlightened rulers and good generals to conquer the enemy at every move and achieve extraordinary success is foreknowledge.
Comments