This needs to be done, I seriously need to make fucking plans for an exit strategy when I clearly am the only one expected to do any work and just let others benefit from it, because anything that makes me fucking happy is unimportant, I'm sick if spending all my time doing so and not getting anything from my efforts, it's frustrating and it makes me sad, I have already decided to put my foot down and quit at this point minus the fucking junk but I almost wonder if it's worth it if this is what everything has been based on for the past couple years... I need to have this done... And anything I deem of value remaining on a shelf for my son. This has to come to a true end. I'm not sure where my life is going to go in the near future, but I know whatever it will be, it's no longer tied to this moment in my fucking past... This was a distraction and nothing more... I just can't hold onto past glories that are meaningless anymore, I have different things to do with my life... This needs to be a memory. A dead memory.
I'm sick of those people and there fucking politics and head games. I don't need to bother with over entitled man children that think that they are fucking cool because they collect little plastic pieces of trash. Look at me I have this amazeballs figure so I'm king of the mountain!!! Yay me, No, this fucking bullshit for me has always been a means to an end and about fucking money. That's it. No more politics, no more games, I'm done, I've long since walked away. It's time for that to be permanent, I said a fucking year ago I was done, it's time to take what's left and make those goddamn shelves and preserve the little bit of good memory I have for this fucking horseshit, and call it a day, when it's clear something has to have an ending and all I am fucking doing is delaying the unevitable, it's long since time to be fucking done... I have real world concerns and battles to fight, not pathetic man children who have never bothered to grow up, I'm sick of this culture of entitlement and I choose to be fucking done, it's dead it's gone. Toys should be about what it's been from the beginning, neat shit for my children. Cool stuff for my son. I'd rather be the guy that gets what I want at retail and be cool re my kid and have neat things for him if he's still interested than continue to play head games and politics with people from the land of fucking misfit toys. It's time to be done, I've got no fucking interest or time for this shit anymore. It's dead and buried, it's buried in the past. It's not coming back. So fucking be it. I'm going to be happier that way, I'm going to be fucking done. These people are not worth my time, only a few are worth their salt, a few I will continue to call my freinds, but the rest of these sycophantic idiots? They can go to hell and be buried with all there fucking garbage toys and collector shit, at least I know I left the game with my head up, my conscious clear, I never deliberately ripped anyone off, and I never played politics or stole from anyone. I can't say the fuckin same is true in my direction, I have been ripped off, I have been fucked with politically and I have been ripped off... And yet I am the one ending the game on my own terms, with my head held up high, but I need and want it to be fucking done, the way it should have been fucking done a year ago, the way it should have been done two years ago, walking away is pretty fucking easy, it's a choice re this plastic crap I should have made a long time ago. I don't feel any regret about missing this fucking weekend, I won't miss it one bit. It's not about money, it never has been. But it was a means to an end, and it was about respect... I treated people good, people didn't do the same for me, so it's done... I quit. It's fucking over. Time to go back to being the real fucking me, fuck these over entitled man children and their stupid plastic crap, fuck them all. If rather be me and stand for something else than care about stupid toys, I never needed this gig and I do not need it now, I need to be done, permanently. Forever. I live in the real world, it's time to come back to it. No more.
Fuck you all, and you're stupid plastic crack.... They are toys, meant to be enjoyed by children, not by lunatics that think that the world revolves around them and their pathetic collections. It's fucking sad that their is a whole industry built around this aftermarket, but you know what, i would rather give my money to friends and deal with my friends for anything more I want, and if not there is always retail, I will rebuild my sons collection on day, but right now it's not a priority, one thing is however, closing the door permanently on this chapter of my life, it's done, and it hasn't always been fun, it's time to fucking move forward and go find something else, I will not be defined by this and this stupid toy shit will not be legacy, I was made for more than this...I have better things to do with my time these days, it's at it's final end, I will miss my freinds in the community but as a whole, the community sucks... And I was never one of you, I was something else, and while you dumb fucks had an agenda about your stupid toys, my agenda was a little more pure, that will always be the difference, this has and always will be a means to that end, whatever's left is left. It's done, it's dead and gone. It's no longer a defining force in my life and it never should have been to begin with. I will not fucking miss it. It's been a year, the fact I'm much happier without it as of this moment is a sign. There is no looking back. It's a dead memory. I have more important things in my life at the moment to deal with, this had a finite life cycle and it's done, no regrets except maybe a few, but I won't be looking back, there's no reason to. There are better fucking things I can do with my life and have.... It's something I've done that fulfilled a child's dream from when I was a kid, but I'm grown up now and my goals changed about 20 years ago...it was something I did when I had nothing else, now honestly I can say I have other things to fucking accomplish, this wasn't gonna last forever and I'm fucking glad to see it gone... It will always be something cool I did in that moment and it will always fucking suck that I couldn't do it with him, but It has never defined who I am, and even for the second it did, I always knew there would be an ending and I would leave on my own terms, it took a little longer than expected, but it's done. Good riddance, another chapter in my life with a closed chapter... It won't be revisited.
There are people and things that are solid and good, I've never felt that with the toy crap, just a nessisary evil that gave me a few more options so I could fight, but I thought I might miss it more than I do, I'd rather spend my weekend doing other interesting things than dealing with douchebag collectors that play mind games and politics, I don't plan to ever revisit that moment in my life, and I'm surprisingly fine with that, it's time for something else. There are a few loose ends to tie up, things I have ignored for far too long deliberately but it's honestly time for me to move on instead of settling old scores, I don't care enough, I'm happy to just let it go and be in my past, it's probaly the first time in my life I'm making a choice to be done something where the decision wasn't forced on me by external factors. And I did not miss it at all this weekend, I have other priorities and I enjoyed myself, it's nice to be in the real world, doing shit I am more than capable of, rather than dealing with spoiled lunatic man children with entitlement issues... I have never lived in that world even when I was a part if it, and even then I chose to step away from it... It's nice to be done, it's nice to finally have a permanent ending and resolution to at least one aspect of my life, and I did it on my terms, it wasn't forced and it wasn't something I had to quit, it was something I chose to do, time to move on, bigger things in my life to deal with. Everything that remains I choose to keep, will stand as a monument to something in my life that should have been shared with my son but wasn't. And that is the only regret I will ever take away from this endeavour. The only one.
Current Mood: Tired.
Current Music: Down in a Hole, Alice In Chains,
You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time. But you were wrong. It's a cruel world, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance. Unbiased. Unprejudiced. Fair.
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