It's becoming obvious to be i am taking a lot of guilt which feels like survivors guilt at my job, even tho this morning it became very clear to me when other's aren't doing their jobs right they always pass the buck and use me at as patsy to complain about what I'm doing and how I'm doing it, and because i don't complain or make waves unless it is serious or i feel harrassed or threatened i am being picked on by certian of my fellow co-workers. I am not surprised by this given the political climate there, but things are slowly changing, I think my boss realized that today, i had to deal with someone upset about being in the system and and i dealt with it well... I am starting to realize why I am good at this job, even if i carry several personal demons and pain into the job with me. I can be empathetic and feel as they do but still seperate myself professionally and ethically. i remeber what it felt like being all alone in the sytem all too well however. But sometimes all these kids need to know is that someone is there for them to listen and to be there for them, and all to often We as Staff tend to focus on the behavioral and the punitive part of the job. That's not what i signed on for, that's not why i wasted 10 years of my life in school and 3 years of my son's life for. I want to be doing positive things for my clients and I think a conversation at work this am, and the realization that I am doing good things are changing things a little for me.
Current Mood: Happier.
Current Music: Ozzy, Hero.
It's not who I am underneath, but what I *do* that defines me.
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