The System has Failed.

My teeth are still being a bitch and it would be nice to sleep some fucking time.. the misscommunication is starting to really piss me off and get me down at work, i was almost ready to quit yesterday, do people not realize i'm fucking nocturnal and i don't sleep normally at work? esp. when i am forced to function by my own choice without prescrption medication because i don't like the effects of the pharmacutical i have been prescribed for tooth pain? some people are fucking oblivious, no fucking wonder i'm burning out fast and hard... this job can't last another year without changes, all my idealism is slowly draining out of my heart, there is only so much you can care about these kids without getting dragged down by the bullshit and the politics, and being laughed at by the stupid pig fuckers doesn't help either. remind me agian why i hate cops? to quote my sister, if you put a kid in a home where others have a criminal record and child is prone to agression that kid will end up with a criminal record, trust me it's true, ask her.

Current mood: Tired.
Current Music: Cemetery Gates, Pantera
Each night I go to bed
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
No, I ain't lookin' for forgiveness
But before I'm six foot deep
Lord, I got to ask a favor
And I'll hope you'll understand
'Cause I've lived life to the fullest
Let this boy die like a man
Starin' down the bullet
Let me make my final stand

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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