Drunken Delusions.

No more drinking with asshole freinds who owe me money and get stupid when loaded and want to fight everyone and everything, I need to find better coping mechanisms than staring down a bottle every time i have a night off and No little man, at least if i'm going to enjoy myself maybe i should go to a bar where no one knows me and I can relax with my thoughts rather than dealing with assholes who call themselves freinds but are really only there to take advantage of hospitality, No longer do i want to use my hard earned money to entertian these people who would never be there for me if I needed them < i really hate hamilton and am questioning why I remain here, at least in other cities I have good freinds that i have known for years and are loyal to me, what's here? memories? one good freind that i hardly see enoughof because we both have kids? there's not much compelling me to stay in hamilton, it's just a black hole and I don't see a future here... or anywhere.

Current Mood: Distant.
Being drunk is a good disguise. I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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