When one looks back at the fact that he has spent way to much of his life insituionlized and now works for the same organization in a matter that makes it more his home and life than his actual life it's strange and yet not the easiest to understand why one would have the same feeling he had at 15 about wanting Out, Only diffrence is I am the master and commander and controller of my destiny and I am sick of being told what to do, yes I want to make change, Yes I'm not going anywhere in a hurry in terms of the job but there are many many things with my organziation and with the world in general and I should really focus my efforts so that I can deal with these things and not be so deperessed, it's not me that's affecting thse kids and their complete life in total that is anarchy i'm just there as the goddamn gatekeeper it's not like I'm going affect there lives in any way... when it becomes my time to move on I will. I am very sad to have seen this just become a job and a way of sustinece but i dont have a fucking choice that' whats it's become. It's time to find something that will reneregize the creative fires and if i can't find it in my chosen career then there always other options.
Current Mood: Stalled.
And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.
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