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Deadly Illusions.


Sometimes i need to stop listening to the voices and fears in my head and deal with only what i can deal with in the moment.. of course having some back up behind when and if I have to deal with something is always handy and I have a good support circle that includes several professionals that care about us to draw from... It's nice to finally see some support at work too.. even when the kids are being the shits it's good to at least know that I'm doing my job right and trying to get them to do their expectations and having the strong support from my employers, i don't see that nearly enough from them. This has been a trying week due to my own fears and insecurities and the fact that someone is not responding to messages doesn't fucking help, i'm tryin to keep things between me and her but if she continues to ignore my messages i'm going to have to fucking develop this into an argument, but that's ok i hold a trump card... She's expecting child support from me on friday.. if she's gonna fucking ignore me when i have something that's a major issue and I am trying to keep it discreet and off facebook.. i'll just message her on facebook and if anyone is monitoring the paranoid ones facebook they will know all about it... which will agian lead to a big argument... I cannot imagine how i was ever with that person, we are of two diffrent worlds and how i ever developed feelings for someone that selfish and self centerted is beyond me.. wait... back then I was pretty self centered to... I had to be. The broken toy and bruises situation still concerns me, and it's frustrating to be having a one sided conversation with myself when their needs to be two parties, no wonder he's probaly frustrated I would be too if I was his age and was going thru this shit... wait.. I was his age and i did go thru this shit and I had similar behaviors... diffrence is my mom paid attention to it... seeing how i'm the more involved parent she probaly just throws the toys in the garbage and doens't think about the underlying reasons... she once accused me of over anaylzing shit... sometimes tho.. the fact that I do is a fucking positive, I'd rather be vigilant than let anyone I love esp. him be victimized.

Current Mood: Tired, Frustrated.
Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.

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