Skip to main content

Shattered Dimensions


I hope I am just being paranoid but I am seeing signs of something not quite right at home, Destroying toys by pulling off their limbs and hiding them under the covers in the bottom of the bed concerns me greatly... I swear If I find out he is being abused I will fucking lose it. What is the point of being who i am if the other half who i chose to spend my life with only to have her slice my heart out thru my back let's this happen? Go figure, the cycle continues even if I cannot be there to prevent it.. fuck you'd have figured seeing how she knows i was Abused that she would be vigilant about it, but of course not she's too self involved.. we are merely possesions, But If my suspecions are true and It's not all just my fucking head I will annhailate her. I don't like suspicious bruises either. this shit shoudl not be happeneing in my own fucking home... It's time to take the rose coloured glasses off and look around, because something just isn't right... The blame isn't falling on me for giving him ADHD, there's something more to it and i suspect you know, and that's the part that both concerns and scares me.. grow Up and fucking deal with it, because if I have to i will deal with you.

Current Mood: Suicidal, Homicidal, Depressed.
You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions.  And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block.  I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...