TERRITORIAL PISSINGS II

I have spent the entire weekend being angry and depressed over the fact that i am working a two jobs and neither one of them is bringing happiness due to the fact that one is warehousing kids and not allowing for enough freedoom, when you have someone so concerened about the bottom line that you in effect rationing food to the kids and making staff feel responsible for said rationing, that's disgusting, I know the nutrutional food guide, i will give them good servings not what my employer says to do to save a buck... I'm not in this job to make money and when you are paying someone minimum wage you really shouldn't be expecting them to ration food and supplies to kids who are getting the worst possible kind of care. Of course this is why I don't think I'm going to see year 3 in hamilton or at that organization. It also doesn't help when politics are being played to force us out of my other employment that up until the middle of last week was aside from my son the solitary thing in my life I looked forward too.. but If i'm gonna be the bad guy and have those kids lives affected I'll quit, and be the bully, and be the bad guy, I'm sick of people trying to extert their authority over others just because people aren't on the same wavelengths or have the same goals in mind. It should be about the health, wellbeing and safety of the kids not petty diffrences, then agian, this is hamilton it's to be expected. not much has changed since i was in grade school.

Current Mood: Angry.
I never work better than when I am inspired by anger; when I am angry, I can write, pray, and preach well, for then my whole temperament is quickened, my understanding sharpened, and all mundane vexations and temptations depart

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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