Emerald Twilight

I am about to change my life in a dozen diffrent ways and the one battle that has to start today and end today is an argument about Housing? Newsflash you're the one with marital problems not me.. I've dealt with mine without involving you.. I am sick of trying to hold a fragile peace rather than just being defeated by someone attempting to intimidate me... I had to lose a little bit of control and show my temper today to show that meant buisness and get some resoltion... At this moment and time being homeless is not an option.. giving someone money i dont have is not an option.. I need this person for a bigger battle but I am not going to sacrifice the shit storm that is my life to just move on to make things conivent for someone else's situation... thankfully it has been resolved peacefully.. and I have good news and positive things to look forward to in the coming days even if i do have a storm to continue to ride the wave of... No fear... Nothing but the determiniation in my heart and soul to get me there.. the only distraction that remains will soon be eliminated and I can focus all my energies on fighting this final battle... Hopefully once agian i will find safety and security in this new place but honestly sometimes choas and turmoil help to keep me focused, having desperation and a hunger in my belly sometimes helps with the upcoming battles and dealing with adversity...

Current Mood: Anger.
We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

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