Looking Back in Anger...

I am angry, and however it may be focused it is splintered and Threats and Intimidation do not work agianst me.. the more I think about things and the Direct threat i was given today the more than anger and the rage rages within my soul.. I have a real fucking battle to fight and to deal with and petty nonsense about leaving on someone's timetable is bullshit.. I've been a good person and a good tenant.. I'm more than a little fed up with given a deadline... I am on a limited income what part of that don't you understand I have asked you for nothing and i have had to deal with sleezebags and scam artists for the last month just looking for something safe for my child.. I'm sorry i can't get my shit together on your pretty little timetable... I am making a safety net plan to deal with the next step, and I have decided to begone to a freinds or somewhere maybe even windsor on the 15th even if everything get's hauled away to storage for the moment.. i am having a real hard time dealing with yet another person i trust making threats agianst me.. I am in the middle of a war for my life, my wellbeing and two souls... It is not my fault i am on a limited income and it's not my fault about anything involving your interpersonal situation.. I have my own battles to fight and I have every right to be angry... I thought this emotion would subside but it has not at this point I am going to do what it takes to protect myself.

Current Mood: Angry.
Nothing frightens me. I am fear.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

Respite on the Spitalfeilds.

I get to hurt, that’s my curse. I feel everything. And it never goes away. It doesn’t matter if it’s peace of strife. I always miss him. He’s always there buried not so deep inside. Along side that in my heart lies hope. But right now, the price is simply too high to have him in my life. I’m not good with authority or conditions. And attempting controlling me has very negative conquences. So yeah, I’ll be here waiting. I should not hurt this much. Or be this sad. But it’s a fucking pain that never goes away except when it is replaced by anger. And I’m trying to fight that emotion off because bad things happen when I’m angry. And thats my secret Cap, I’m always angry. It’s what controls the hulk inside me from taking out an entire city block. I deserved better. This wasn’t the life I was promised. This is for sure not the life I promised my son. That was taken away from me. I’m not to blame. But I’ll be damned if suffers like an adult the way I had to. I will always be here b...

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