Looking Back in Anger...

I am angry, and however it may be focused it is splintered and Threats and Intimidation do not work agianst me.. the more I think about things and the Direct threat i was given today the more than anger and the rage rages within my soul.. I have a real fucking battle to fight and to deal with and petty nonsense about leaving on someone's timetable is bullshit.. I've been a good person and a good tenant.. I'm more than a little fed up with given a deadline... I am on a limited income what part of that don't you understand I have asked you for nothing and i have had to deal with sleezebags and scam artists for the last month just looking for something safe for my child.. I'm sorry i can't get my shit together on your pretty little timetable... I am making a safety net plan to deal with the next step, and I have decided to begone to a freinds or somewhere maybe even windsor on the 15th even if everything get's hauled away to storage for the moment.. i am having a real hard time dealing with yet another person i trust making threats agianst me.. I am in the middle of a war for my life, my wellbeing and two souls... It is not my fault i am on a limited income and it's not my fault about anything involving your interpersonal situation.. I have my own battles to fight and I have every right to be angry... I thought this emotion would subside but it has not at this point I am going to do what it takes to protect myself.

Current Mood: Angry.
Nothing frightens me. I am fear.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday. Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

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