Looking Back in Anger...

I am angry, and however it may be focused it is splintered and Threats and Intimidation do not work agianst me.. the more I think about things and the Direct threat i was given today the more than anger and the rage rages within my soul.. I have a real fucking battle to fight and to deal with and petty nonsense about leaving on someone's timetable is bullshit.. I've been a good person and a good tenant.. I'm more than a little fed up with given a deadline... I am on a limited income what part of that don't you understand I have asked you for nothing and i have had to deal with sleezebags and scam artists for the last month just looking for something safe for my child.. I'm sorry i can't get my shit together on your pretty little timetable... I am making a safety net plan to deal with the next step, and I have decided to begone to a freinds or somewhere maybe even windsor on the 15th even if everything get's hauled away to storage for the moment.. i am having a real hard time dealing with yet another person i trust making threats agianst me.. I am in the middle of a war for my life, my wellbeing and two souls... It is not my fault i am on a limited income and it's not my fault about anything involving your interpersonal situation.. I have my own battles to fight and I have every right to be angry... I thought this emotion would subside but it has not at this point I am going to do what it takes to protect myself.

Current Mood: Angry.
Nothing frightens me. I am fear.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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