Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

The Chess games continues but while you hide behind smoke and mirrors that are quickly fading away, i have the tactical advantage and years of planning to deal with the unaviodable outcome in the next few weeks, I have spent the past three years in purgatory and have no doubt that when my end time comes it will be more comfortable than the black Hell that you have inflicted upon my heart and his soul for the past three years... you cannot attempt to destroy a man and destroy what he lives for and his heart without repercussion's.. I am single minded, I know what the road ahead is... i am prepared for whatever happens, but i am completely ready for an epic battle on both fronts and I have no fear of losing... to Lose, to have finally lost means this body is dead and I am a corpse, as long as blood flows in my veins I will fight, even if i lose... but one, I am seven hundred Chess moves ahead and I know exactly where every move on the chess board is now, while you sit questioning yo

An army of principles can penetrate where an army of soldiers cannot. It's almost done, things are becoming exactly what they are supposed to become and i know exactly what the next step is.. there are surprises along the way and forks in the road that are unpredictable but I know where I am going and I have no fucking expectations other than to watch you burn, this is not and has not ever been about me.. and it's time next week for that to be proven, this is about a lost little boy and a delusional mother who needs to face reality and not be spoiled by the system that has enabled her bullshit actions for so long.. i know I'm fighting a losing battle.. but i also know i have and will never give up.. not until I am fucking dead... that's the long and short of it, there's no anger, not anymore.. i just want to see this, thru to the eventual end.. i don't expect there to be a true end next week but for every ending there is beginning... i'm expecting to see

It's a week away, and make no mistake I expect to see you burn, I've brought the gasoline but you won't need that as you're own words will set you aflame.. it's pretty sad when people ask me what i think of my chances in this ongoing battle and at this point i Refer to my chances as you being the tip of a Bic lighter when lit.. you will go down in flames.. I will be standing in the fire agianst you always, for him... this is always going to be a nightmare and a battle but the closer the minute's click down, the closer the day comes the more confident I become.. I'm not sitting here anymore with anything to hide... and for three and a half years I have faced Hell and it's flames... It's your turn to do the same now... there is nothing you can do to me anymore, nor is there anything on this mortal plane or the next that I fear...it's not about me, it never has been... this isn't about my soul or my wants.... it's about His. I have willingly

I'm a soldier. I'm made for war. Your kind simply... are not. This is the last chess move, a deseprate act by a person who cannot fathom reality..., Family court is a never ending prison but i finally have the upper hand and you know it and so you are doing crazy stunts and moves to block the reality of the fact that no matter how long it takes, whatever it costs, i will never stop fighting, I will never back down, Deep down in your demon black heart.. You know eventually.. I will win... You will have to Kill me to Stop me, and you are simply not strong enough for that, you don't understand it's not about winning or losing, but when one chess move is countered by an insane motion of course i can see the forthcoming results... it's not about the winning the battle.. it's about watching you lose the war... you can try to destroy a person so much that he even doubts himself, but then that person stands over the abyss and embraces it and becomes something else, so

And all along the road All the bodies left behind May all have been good friends Just not good friends of mine The blood is in the water and you have made a tactical mistake... It's going to be a very interesting week and for you I have no fucking remorse... it's time to take my life back.. certain other things are slipping away slowly because i do not have fucking time for them but I have never had a taste for war, I do not fear it either.. it's time to let the games be done.. every day, every minute, every moment, ever fucking second... closer to the end... tick tock bitch.... that's all that's left.. is this battle.. the battle for his soul.. everything else in my life has and will be a necessary evil... and when it's all said and done, only one of us will be standing, no matter how long it takes... Current Mood: Angry. Current Mood: Bodies, Megadeth. I leave this as a declaration of intent, so no one will be confused. One: "Si vis pacem, para

I would give anything to be the fly on the wall when you get what you are going to be served with in the next week or so... Just because i have felt the fire of the heat from your hell doesn't mean you can't feel some of mine now... there's a reason i'm very patieint and I plan every chess move carefully...I'm not a creature of anger, fear or impulse... just like you with your slow knife that took years to twist it's way inside... i'm the same..3 years of your hell i have endured, with your every trick along the way to stall the game.... i'm not afraid of you, or the courts, or the system, I'm not the one who used a dark part to create an even darker future... the only diffrence is.. I only change the game when it is needed, I only upset the applecart and put you on the advantage when it is my advantage too.. otherwise it's much easier to let you doom yourself... you do a good job of it.. but I will always keep my trump cards close to the table a

Nothing like an unexpected game changer Dropped into your lap at the last second... I know how that bullshit feels, It's fucking satisfying to know that the exact same thing is finally happeneing to the other side of the equation and all of my enemies... and at this point i have no objection to stirring up the part.. I've always know that everyone else in the equation Fears me and those that support me.. but now that i have a game changed and it is because of the enemy's queen peice that the equation and the blind scales of justice have gravitated to my side? that's fucking statisfying...Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions. it's nice to be approaching both final battle's and knowing the angel's are on my side... well one Angel.. the one i am and always have been fighting for.. the only one that matters... Current Mood: Determined. The only way to win is to survive.

How it always that Changes come at the exact same time In my life constantly, Decision's are being made and the toy game is changing and my role in.. but more Importantly the Chess game I am playing on this Mortal Coil for the sake of the little one's soul Is changing In the exact same Moment... Today was a diffrence Maker and something that will shake things up...I embrace this change and endorse it willingly and Immedatily as It is what should be happening but for a lot of the pawns and the black queen on the other side, it's going to be a shock to the system, The game Has changed.. we are already at Endgame.. but Now for the first time I feel that i truly I have the upper hand and the advantage, And i'm not about to falter when I am so close to the finish line.. even if I have to do it alone with the people i care most about in this world Distant, except for Him...it's only about Him.. everyone else... I will mend bridges later... I don't have a choice, choic

I had one of these mentally at the beginning of the convention yesterday. dealing with two idiots almost gave me a complete mental breakdown, it's my buisness and my show to run and be in charge of to make money, something that was not acheieved, there are so fucking many reason's to walk away but when my mind goes blank for a full fucking five minutes and when i realized that much time had passed before i was snapped out of it by a customer i nearly walked away taking my freinds and the van which i was responsible for and leaving and leaving all the stock there and saying fuck it... i cannot deal with it anymore... it's going to a storage locker and i am having serious doubts about it contuining... i was hoping after this weekened to have made enough money to leave completely and have pay the bills i need to but that's not realisticlly an option, what is an option however is to cram it all in a storage locker and walk away when i decide that i don't need the money.

...And one of the three endings has happened... i am operating at a fucking deficit after dealing with 3 different assholes this business is connected to, all supposed friends... I'm fucking done... it's all going into a storage locker and if i am to continue in any form i will take a days pay cash up front or I'm completely done... I'm not working my ass off to see money spent and me actually owing money after a 2000$ weekend, it's not worth it anymore... i have fractured emotions with friends and family, many of which have saved my ass more than once, the warning signs have been there for months, i should have gotten out of this game the first time it majorly fucked up my personal life, I'm not good with warning signs, but i nearly walked out this morning because i was going to to have a mental breakdown for the first time in my life, when things and people start affecting my mental health and relationships with my family... it's time to be done... i stuck

It is fairly obvious to me as well as everyone else around me the transformer's experiment is almost done... i am deeply disturbed by the fact that i am being cut out of the loop and being reimbuirsed finacaly for all the effort, i am basiclly looking at this weekend as the end... after that I will take what's mine and walk away and have this dialectic choas at an end.. it's not worth the stress anymore... the whole fucking point of leaving things to the last minute and then trying to pay me to have everything ready and walk away without the real finacal benefits of the weekend is not only an insult it makes all the sacrifices and all the work of the last year pointless, i will see this thing to the end of the weekend and enjoy the one thing that is left for me to enjoy, after that it will be done... i need my life back, this neccaasary evil has run it's course and it's time to find something else, i don't want something that started as innocently as selling my

It's coming from all sides and I am sick of fighting battles, this weekend ends a lot of this bullshit and I will be walking away, But it is a neccasry evil and I need to see this thru to the end even tho everyone seems to think i was better off when i was playing guitar and starving on street corners, newsflash, i still do that a lot more than i want to.. I have an evil vindictive ex girlfreind who has destroyed my Career which is my way of providing for myself, my life and relationship with my child... and that is being remedy'd very soon, but until that happens i can't look past the fact I need to have an income to provide for myself and the legal bills. this is only about the battle i have to fight, I am going to try to get my life back in order this weekend but i am being pulled very thin by all the nonsense in my life, It's time to walk away from the toy bullshit and just take whats mine after this weekend, but the biggest payout of the year, the one thing i have

Are we still playing this game? are the chess pieces still in play? this is becoming the never ending story, you using nothing against me and hiding behind an iron curtain of court and trying to stall and stall and play games... if stalling the final end game is your plan as predicted you are doing an admirable job... i just want this to end, it has been ten years to the day since i found out i was a father and i have spent seven of them fighting... i tire of the endless battle, it's too one sided and it's not about what's in his best interest at all, it is only about one thing anymore and that is one person's selfishness... if you were half the fucking woman you thought you were you'd take that child to get some counseling and attempt to let him have a relationship with his father, but no it's more important to you to tie our panties up in court for years over petty things, there's a reason i never bothered with records until i needed them, i knew this woul

3 plus years and only when I make a proactive move to get records at this point do you do anything to attempt to prevent that? this is a chess game and I am always 2 moves ahead, but this is also a war and It is very apparent you are the losing end of the battle... for me it's never been about winning or losing but doing what is right and what is in the best interests of our child... of course to you and your own selfish ends it's only about you... it has only ever been about you... when and if i get the records it destroys your credibility that part is understood.. but you do know what happens when you unleash a dragon, esp. a dragon fighting for his cub, you will feel the fire... it's not about who is right or wrong anymore but it is about the truth and the more games you play and the more you seek to hide these things the weaker you become... This has never been anything but a game to you, but it is his life in the balance and i will fight you with every once of strength