The War XXII: Three Years Of Hell.

The Chess games continues but while you hide behind smoke and mirrors that are quickly fading away, i have the tactical advantage and years of planning to deal with the unaviodable outcome in the next few weeks, I have spent the past three years in purgatory and have no doubt that when my end time comes it will be more comfortable than the black Hell that you have inflicted upon my heart and his soul for the past three years... you cannot attempt to destroy a man and destroy what he lives for and his heart without repercussion's.. I am single minded, I know what the road ahead is... i am prepared for whatever happens, but i am completely ready for an epic battle on both fronts and I have no fear of losing... to Lose, to have finally lost means this body is dead and I am a corpse, as long as blood flows in my veins I will fight, even if i lose... but one, I am seven hundred Chess moves ahead and I know exactly where every move on the chess board is now, while you sit questioning yourself, playing games... I know where each and every one of my actions this close to the game are taking me. there will be an absolution, this deadly game we have been playing it will end... and I will not be the one damned to purgatory and hell, not any longer.

Current Mood: Determined.
A man may build himself a throne of bayonets, but he cannot sit on it.

I'll die if I have to. At least I know I tried to save him from becoming what you are.

Me, I know where I stand. And I don't worry about it. Because when it's over. When they're all dead and the war is over... there'll still be one bullet left. To clear all accounts.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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