The War XV: War Games II

3 plus years and only when I make a proactive move to get records at this point do you do anything to attempt to prevent that? this is a chess game and I am always 2 moves ahead, but this is also a war and It is very apparent you are the losing end of the battle... for me it's never been about winning or losing but doing what is right and what is in the best interests of our child... of course to you and your own selfish ends it's only about you... it has only ever been about you... when and if i get the records it destroys your credibility that part is understood.. but you do know what happens when you unleash a dragon, esp. a dragon fighting for his cub, you will feel the fire... it's not about who is right or wrong anymore but it is about the truth and the more games you play and the more you seek to hide these things the weaker you become... This has never been anything but a game to you, but it is his life in the balance and i will fight you with every once of strength till i fall, and I don't know how to fall, even at my weakest moment's I am still stronger than you, this isn't about my anger, this isn't about revenge, it's not even about me and you anymore.. it never has been, it is about doing the right thing for my son, i wish you would take that into account but you're anger and hate blinds you, This would be so much easier for me if i could muster up half the hate and anger you have for me, they would make effective weapons, bu even as much as i do have hate in my heart and anger towards you, it is a microcosm of yours.. i could never hate you as much as you hate me, you good or bad are the mother of my child and that is important, even if we hate each other, but i would never wish to destroy you.. It isn't about you... even tho you probably think it is.

Current Mood: Determined.
After the war I was going to make up for lost time. But the time I spent away, it's still lost. No matter what I do, it stays lost.

For my love, I will wade through an ocean of blood, even if it destroys me.

Until they feel what we feel, they will never fully understand the own hell they caused.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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