Dark Awakening II: Choas

It is fairly obvious to me as well as everyone else around me the transformer's experiment is almost done... i am deeply disturbed by the fact that i am being cut out of the loop and being reimbuirsed finacaly for all the effort, i am basiclly looking at this weekend as the end... after that I will take what's mine and walk away and have this dialectic choas at an end.. it's not worth the stress anymore... the whole fucking point of leaving things to the last minute and then trying to pay me to have everything ready and walk away without the real finacal benefits of the weekend is not only an insult it makes all the sacrifices and all the work of the last year pointless, i will see this thing to the end of the weekend and enjoy the one thing that is left for me to enjoy, after that it will be done... i need my life back, this neccaasary evil has run it's course and it's time to find something else, i don't want something that started as innocently as selling my children's things to become a bigger albatross around my neck then it already has been, it's time to end this... it's time to finish this game and deal with the other issues in my life, instead of some other selfish idiot's distraction, my blood and sweat and effort do not come cheap.

Current Mood: Pissed Off.
Current Music: Megadeth, Bite the Hand.

Bad bloods aren't born evil or dangerous. We are taught to be, but only because we have to if we want to survive.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

Search This Blog