Dark Awakening II: Choas

It is fairly obvious to me as well as everyone else around me the transformer's experiment is almost done... i am deeply disturbed by the fact that i am being cut out of the loop and being reimbuirsed finacaly for all the effort, i am basiclly looking at this weekend as the end... after that I will take what's mine and walk away and have this dialectic choas at an end.. it's not worth the stress anymore... the whole fucking point of leaving things to the last minute and then trying to pay me to have everything ready and walk away without the real finacal benefits of the weekend is not only an insult it makes all the sacrifices and all the work of the last year pointless, i will see this thing to the end of the weekend and enjoy the one thing that is left for me to enjoy, after that it will be done... i need my life back, this neccaasary evil has run it's course and it's time to find something else, i don't want something that started as innocently as selling my children's things to become a bigger albatross around my neck then it already has been, it's time to end this... it's time to finish this game and deal with the other issues in my life, instead of some other selfish idiot's distraction, my blood and sweat and effort do not come cheap.

Current Mood: Pissed Off.
Current Music: Megadeth, Bite the Hand.

Bad bloods aren't born evil or dangerous. We are taught to be, but only because we have to if we want to survive.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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