Skip to main content

Mind Games II

It's coming from all sides and I am sick of fighting battles, this weekend ends a lot of this bullshit and I will be walking away, But it is a neccasry evil and I need to see this thru to the end even tho everyone seems to think i was better off when i was playing guitar and starving on street corners, newsflash, i still do that a lot more than i want to.. I have an evil vindictive ex girlfreind who has destroyed my Career which is my way of providing for myself, my life and relationship with my child... and that is being remedy'd very soon, but until that happens i can't look past the fact I need to have an income to provide for myself and the legal bills. this is only about the battle i have to fight, I am going to try to get my life back in order this weekend but i am being pulled very thin by all the nonsense in my life, It's time to walk away from the toy bullshit and just take whats mine after this weekend, but the biggest payout of the year, the one thing i have worked towards all year? yeah, this is where it ends... not before.. the sad part is.. i had the idiot come to me today and settle old debts with the intention of cutting me out of the big show... and i have lost too many things and had way too much irrating bullshit in my life to walk away without this big payoff... it is time to walk away, but On My Terms and only On my Terms.. same as the fight i have to see to the finish things don't go away just because other's want them to.. they go away because they need to.. and when i am done fighting both battles we will be done.. not before. all of this good and bad has only one logical conclusion, Only one reason for doing so, and It doesn't matter if I'm miserable, it only matters at the end of the day that I Finish the fight...

Current Mood: Angry, Depressed, Torn and Divided.
Current Music: Eminem, Headlights

We are the choices we make. And have to make. We aren't anything else.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...