I had one of these mentally at the beginning of the convention yesterday. dealing with two idiots almost gave me a complete mental breakdown, it's my buisness and my show to run and be in charge of to make money, something that was not acheieved, there are so fucking many reason's to walk away but when my mind goes blank for a full fucking five minutes and when i realized that much time had passed before i was snapped out of it by a customer i nearly walked away taking my freinds and the van which i was responsible for and leaving and leaving all the stock there and saying fuck it... i cannot deal with it anymore... it's going to a storage locker and i am having serious doubts about it contuining... i was hoping after this weekened to have made enough money to leave completely and have pay the bills i need to but that's not realisticlly an option, what is an option however is to cram it all in a storage locker and walk away when i decide that i don't need the money. we will see what the rest of the summer brings, it's down to fucking days now... i can start crossing days off the calander and know within a few weeks that my life is going to change, for better or worse it's either going to be going back to normal or i will know that I will have to endure parts of the hell she has created for seven more years... i'm pretty confident i know the answer but i always have a back up plan.. for everything... even if doing so is going to break what's left of my black, hollow, broken and shattered heart....
and as far as the fucking toys go, my relationships with people i love and my mental health come first they have to...i can't be pissing blood, unable to sleep cuz i'm so wired that i literraly shut down but my mind and eyes are still awake and aware as my body rests becuase i'm both wired and tired.. whatever that is it can't be fucking healthy... this has gone from one of the hobbies I shared with my son to being something I loathe and hate, I'm tryin to maintain a connection to my son by selling cool transformers and action figures once in a while... and between the people involved at both side of the buisness, i want to take a fuckin baseball bat and see how many home runs with cheap plastic crack i can hit towards Stelco.. when it's this stressful, i just want to give up.. and at this point i have the fucking option to.. just gonna limp it along for a little while longer cuz i need the money, but before the first of next month, it's out of my house and in storage, I need my fucking house and life back. there are more important things at play here than toys....august 22nd is a turning point in my life, that's how long the toy thing has to matter till.
Current Mood: Sad, Depressed.
I've always tried to teach you two things. First- never let them see you bleed.' 'And the second?' 'Always have an escape plan
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