Skip to main content

Changing Gears

Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

I am saying goodbye to the thing that has dominated my life other than the ongoing battle that still consumes me, but the other thing always had a short shelf life, one i managed to continue for much longer than i ever expected, But this will be the last holiday where it is of any importance because there is nothing left, but that has been the goal the whole time is to end the game, much better to go out happily and not completely miserable rather than the anger and hate that has dominated most of the adventure, a lot of that comes from within, but there is a reality that it was a worthwhile break because before every thing fell to ashes, i was burning out, and now I can go back to the things i am meant to do with new fresh eyes and a perspective that i did not have before, and do the things i was meant to do, everything that i have always fought for, everything that i will continue to fight for, that's the the true lesson at the end of this.. The person i was has changed and the last few years made me stronger, and I have no regrets... I won't be looking back fondly, But i was far and just and never cheated anyone. it's time to go back to the things that make me whole however, because this was just a replacement for being hollow inside and watching the days tick by. I have a new fire, one i have not felt in a few years... I was made for better things, and I still have goals to achieve.

Current Mood: Determined.
Current Music: Eminem - When I'm Gone

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...