Skip to main content

Changing Gears

Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

I am saying goodbye to the thing that has dominated my life other than the ongoing battle that still consumes me, but the other thing always had a short shelf life, one i managed to continue for much longer than i ever expected, But this will be the last holiday where it is of any importance because there is nothing left, but that has been the goal the whole time is to end the game, much better to go out happily and not completely miserable rather than the anger and hate that has dominated most of the adventure, a lot of that comes from within, but there is a reality that it was a worthwhile break because before every thing fell to ashes, i was burning out, and now I can go back to the things i am meant to do with new fresh eyes and a perspective that i did not have before, and do the things i was meant to do, everything that i have always fought for, everything that i will continue to fight for, that's the the true lesson at the end of this.. The person i was has changed and the last few years made me stronger, and I have no regrets... I won't be looking back fondly, But i was far and just and never cheated anyone. it's time to go back to the things that make me whole however, because this was just a replacement for being hollow inside and watching the days tick by. I have a new fire, one i have not felt in a few years... I was made for better things, and I still have goals to achieve.

Current Mood: Determined.
Current Music: Eminem - When I'm Gone

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...