I don't give a shit about this holiday, I never have, I always have made a fucking effort around me for those that it's important to but it's not something I give a damn about, I just don't have the patience to fucking pretend that I care anymore, the one thing that would and does matter to me as far as this holiday goes isn't here so why the fuck should I bother with going thru the motions about this fucking holiday nonsense and bullshit, I swear sometimes I'd rather be my dark and angry places, in solitude, alone. Things would be simpler, things would be easier. That's the way it used to fucking be and I was happy with that, that's how I fought my battles, that's how I dealt with the fact of every other Christmas you fucking took away, it's no different this year, I'm still missing him, more than you will ever know. And I fucking hate you for it, I always will.
I'm both happy and miserable this holiday season, but you know what it's not about me here, it was never about me when I had him by my side, I just wish it didn't hurt so goddamn much him not being here. it might be easier this year, and there are things in my life that have changed... but there's still the fact that there is a hole. it's so frustrating to own all these fucking gifts that should have been under the goddamn tree for him.
Current Mood: Empty.
Current Music: NOFX - X-mas Has Been X'ed
Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree.
As long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is.
Comments