But there's a beginning in an end, you know? It's true that you can't reclaim what you had, but you can lock it up behind you. Start fresh.
The end of this is long overdue and the fact that I am simply limping along towards christmas, because afterwards there will be nothing left but a glass coffin that stands as a fucking memory of how hard i worked and how truly little it meant to anyone...there will be a few items left and there will be things left to show that for a second that he mattered regardless that he wasn't here, but i have had to spend the last three years being manipulated, stolen from and merely Fighting for a place in this world to stand my ground, I will be never truly happy until he is home, but the fact remains that these items are meaningless when it comes to that ultimate goal, but the truth of the matter is that i would like whatver is left to stand for something, I'm pissed off by the fact that so much has been sacrificed, and there is more to come, but that has always been my choice and always will be my choice alone, No one forced me to do it, and no one has dictated my decisions to me, I just wonder if it had been easier to just walk away a long time ago from it, at this point at least the coast is fucking clear, I'm done with it... a few things will be gone over the holidays and whatever is left will stand testament to the fact that there was only one reason to be involved with this for as long as I have, and that is My child. I don't want to be standing here and only have stories to be able to tell him about some glorious even that happened but i did not save him anything from, this has been a constant distraction in my life for far too long and while some points it allowed to be distracted from true pain in my mind and from the things that needed to be done, and it has provided many times for the upcoming battle, All things must end and I have chosen the new year to be a new start, Unless i am willing to part with it all, that's the way it's got to be, it's got to be more than a phantom memory that i quickly forget about, I won't be looking back but i do have some good memories and I wish that I could have shared them with him. It has to Stand for something.
Current Mood: Depressed
Current Music: Bittersweet, Apocalyptica
The direction you choose to face determines whether you're standing at the end or the beginning of a road.
You have a choice in everything in life, so keep in mind that in the end, the choice you make makes you.
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