Skip to main content

Forever Evil.

Let them hate, as long as they fear.

I don't hide behind my darkness, I use it as a strength to fight my fucking battles, there is anger and there is a dark place within, but unlike others I acknowledge my dark side and I can use it for positive ends, I'm not sure the next step in my life but I do know that whatever it is I'm prepared for it and that I can retreat into a very dark place if I need to gather strength. I don't mince words and my trust level is very fucking low right now, support me or don't, that's where I fucking stand at the current moment. Is it a goddamn very dark place? Hell yeah it is, but it's my dark place and it provides comfort. I know who I am amongst the shadows and uncertainty. I choose to be in that fucking place for a reason. I choose to fight. It's always going to be my most valuable defence mechanism esp when I know that I'm going to war, esp when I don't know if I'm going to win, all I know is that I'm not going to lose, or allow myself to give up and be beaten at any point. Failure is not an option. Backing down isn't one either. I can play the villian, I have no problem with that, I'm not the villian in this fairy tale tho and it's time to end this. I don't mind being the bad guy and/or the one to blame if it means that I get to have my day in court and his voice actually gets fucking heard instead of drowned out by you arguing with the fucking judges. I'm not playing this chess game any longer and I have no patience for you, it's time to end this, let's fucking collide. It's time to stack the deck and play this game to the final stage, let's end this. Let's shed some skin and tear a few pieces from each other. Are you ready? This is where everything ends. No more stalling, no more games. I want my day in court.

Current Mood: Determined.

You’re just another story I can’t tell anymore.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else.  This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.
Post a Comment
Read more

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over.  All of our moments are over.  I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts.  I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...
Post a Comment
Read more