The Last Pale Light In The West

Silence is where my demons lurk, taunting me endlessly day after day until the end of time...yet still I wait, revelling in their company...

To fight with demons, your intent must be pure. And even then, there's no guarantee you'll win.

More Waiting, More What if's, Tomorrow Might lead to something, But given how well I know my enemy I sincerely fucking doubt it... it's pretty sad that I can know someone so intimately because of her actions after the relationship that ended over a decade ago than i ever knew the person when we were together... that's a sad fucking commentary on the type of people we both are.... all i can do is sit and wait and expect for the best, but my faith in that ever happening.. is very, very low.. yet I'll still go on, fighting, trying to make something of the final destination, because that's kind of fucking man I am, i don't know how to fucking back down, I don't understand the word retreat or surrender.

Current Mood: Determined.
Current Music: Steve Earle, Copperhead Road.

If one is not careful, even our darkest demons become our closest friends.

The more perfect a person is on the outside, the more demons they have on the inside.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Franco Un-American.

I hate everyone. I just pretend I don’t because I’m chasing this false inner peace, thats being constantly eroded by outsiders. I am happy, I was at peace. But I do see my country and more importantly my city for what it’s for and I’m getting angry again. Maybe I do need to be angry. Maybe I do need to rebel. Maybe I do need to speak out despite the fact that it can be used against me and hurt those I love. Nothing fucking new to me. This apathy has gotten me nowhere, this trying to be at peace was working but maybe I need to be angry, maybe I need to rail agianst the things that once were right have now went wrong. This isn’t a world I want my child growing up in, and he’s grown. But this isn’t the world I promised him. This is something else. This city wants to pick a fight with me? Cool, I know what busybody bitch it is. Don’t think I will tolerate any threats to those that I care for or myself. You want to fucking start a war? Maybe it’s time for me to be angry again.

Someone Like You.

I know there are aspects of me, my personality and my life that you still like. It’s why you had my child and no one else’s. But I don’t colour within the lines enough for you to settle down with. That’s been acknowledged for two fucking decades. He’s an adult. I don’t need to answer to anyone anymore in my life. I wasted years fighting you when I should have been fixing you. But those moments are over. All of our moments are over. I don’t even need to be angry. I just need to be. You and I are toxic. I’m better off without you in my life. It’s a little less toxic when I’m the only one on the boat. Only the captain goes down with the ship. I’ve always known i would die alone anyhow. No family, no friend’s, no real accomplishments to my life. I wrote that line almost 30 years ago. Self fulfilling prophecy. At least that way when I implode no one gets hurts. I was a fool to think otherwise. I’ve left too much damage in my path. I just want to be happy and at peace whatev...

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