The Day That Never Comes.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

I'm sick of this fucking waiting while His life hangs in the fucking balance, we should be In fucking court now moving forward not allowing this bullshit status quo to fucking continue... both of us are sick of the battle and it affects all of our fucking lives, and it has turned me grey... it's a battle i will never back down but i am more than sick of fighting it.... I want my day in court or a settlement that will get my son back in my fucking life... those are the only options, I am afraid that day will never come and I am not sure if that is a result of the way the fucking system works or the ones i have entrusted to look after my interests. All i know is for the moment is that we are sitting here, we are waiting.... for a day that never comes... it should not take this long for this to to end, and I am seriously wondering how many times we are going to have to go thru this... it has aged me and frustrated me... I'm ready and willing to fight... the only thing I fear is never seeing him again and honestly i feel that's what the court system has basically set me up to do, set me up to fail... I have had to fight almost all of his life to just be his father, and for fucking what? every time i get my day in court it's taken away from me because of fucking politics? because the system has failed and is overloaded? what does that say about the importance of my son.... so fucking frustrated by the system right now. More fucking waiting.

Current Mood: Disillusioned.

Every day you either see a scar or courage. Where you dwell will define your struggle.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number. I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to. I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone. The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even. I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of. I’m not going to pretend to keep th

Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

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