The Day That Never Comes.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

I'm sick of this fucking waiting while His life hangs in the fucking balance, we should be In fucking court now moving forward not allowing this bullshit status quo to fucking continue... both of us are sick of the battle and it affects all of our fucking lives, and it has turned me grey... it's a battle i will never back down but i am more than sick of fighting it.... I want my day in court or a settlement that will get my son back in my fucking life... those are the only options, I am afraid that day will never come and I am not sure if that is a result of the way the fucking system works or the ones i have entrusted to look after my interests. All i know is for the moment is that we are sitting here, we are waiting.... for a day that never comes... it should not take this long for this to to end, and I am seriously wondering how many times we are going to have to go thru this... it has aged me and frustrated me... I'm ready and willing to fight... the only thing I fear is never seeing him again and honestly i feel that's what the court system has basically set me up to do, set me up to fail... I have had to fight almost all of his life to just be his father, and for fucking what? every time i get my day in court it's taken away from me because of fucking politics? because the system has failed and is overloaded? what does that say about the importance of my son.... so fucking frustrated by the system right now. More fucking waiting.

Current Mood: Disillusioned.

Every day you either see a scar or courage. Where you dwell will define your struggle.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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