Skip to main content

Someone I Used To Be...

This is blood for blood and by the gallons. These are the old days man, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They're back! There's no choices left. And I'm ready for war.

There's a reality that I have changed, and not for the better, i remember who I was, and who I have become... the only reality Is that I have become tired and disinterested from the battle, I want this war to end but I'm not about to sacrifice and ounce of ground, as long as I'm breathing it's still a fight, it's still a war, I'm just so fucking tired from it... I find it sad that you're latest blame game put it's on the one person who doesn't deserve all this.... you can break me down, but hiding behind out fucking child is cowardly... and exactly within you're character, it's exactly who you are... Me, I just keep being the same person I am, I've always had to fight and nothing's came easy, but you know what, that's fine with me... what you've taken away, just to gain an advantage, just to prove a point? it only unlocks someone I thought I had long buried within my psyche... the survivor, the one who is more than willing to do whatever is needed to end the game on top, he doesn't really worry about the rightness or wrongness of the world.. he just worries about what is right... that's the animal you have unleashed of late, He's a lot colder and a lot angrier than I am, it's funny, i thought he was dead and buried and I'd grown up right around when I met you, but clearly when it's down to the last moments, when i need to be able to throw that last punch with whatever is left of my tattered soul, the Angry one, the survivor, the Monster inside me, the other personality that just doesn't care about people except who he needs to, he can reappear, and at the moment he's currently out playing around using the world for a romper room, I can become the man willing to lower the stakes to survive, I can become someone who just doesn't give a fuck as long as I am doing the right thing for those I care about... that's who i am right now... Someone I Used to be.. someone who Doesn't give a fuck until it's done... then do whatever the fuck you need to do to me... but don't expect me to give up or surrender ever. Just because I may not want to fight, Doesn't mean I'm going to stop fucking fighting... I don't work like that. Never have.

Current Mood: Angry.

When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th