Skip to main content

Someone I Used To Be...

This is blood for blood and by the gallons. These are the old days man, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They're back! There's no choices left. And I'm ready for war.

There's a reality that I have changed, and not for the better, i remember who I was, and who I have become... the only reality Is that I have become tired and disinterested from the battle, I want this war to end but I'm not about to sacrifice and ounce of ground, as long as I'm breathing it's still a fight, it's still a war, I'm just so fucking tired from it... I find it sad that you're latest blame game put it's on the one person who doesn't deserve all this.... you can break me down, but hiding behind out fucking child is cowardly... and exactly within you're character, it's exactly who you are... Me, I just keep being the same person I am, I've always had to fight and nothing's came easy, but you know what, that's fine with me... what you've taken away, just to gain an advantage, just to prove a point? it only unlocks someone I thought I had long buried within my psyche... the survivor, the one who is more than willing to do whatever is needed to end the game on top, he doesn't really worry about the rightness or wrongness of the world.. he just worries about what is right... that's the animal you have unleashed of late, He's a lot colder and a lot angrier than I am, it's funny, i thought he was dead and buried and I'd grown up right around when I met you, but clearly when it's down to the last moments, when i need to be able to throw that last punch with whatever is left of my tattered soul, the Angry one, the survivor, the Monster inside me, the other personality that just doesn't care about people except who he needs to, he can reappear, and at the moment he's currently out playing around using the world for a romper room, I can become the man willing to lower the stakes to survive, I can become someone who just doesn't give a fuck as long as I am doing the right thing for those I care about... that's who i am right now... Someone I Used to be.. someone who Doesn't give a fuck until it's done... then do whatever the fuck you need to do to me... but don't expect me to give up or surrender ever. Just because I may not want to fight, Doesn't mean I'm going to stop fucking fighting... I don't work like that. Never have.

Current Mood: Angry.

When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Threat.

I an not a nice person. I am not polite or nice. I am scary and intimidating and I draw power from that fact.  You fuck with the people I love and hurt them, I’m going to damage you in kind. I want people afraid of me. It means I’m respected. It means you’re intimidated. I would rather be horrifying damaged and leave with nothing if it gives me the power and the freedom to protect my friend’s and family.  Keep in mind a man with nothing to lose once had everything slip thru his fingers. And I have no fucking problem being a threat, to you, to my enemies, to society. You name it. I simply don’t care. The best defence has always been to confront and attack whatever the source of the problem. It hasn’t always brought me victory but at some point it’s brought me peace knowing that I’ve never backed down or done anything to hurt anyone. Just responded to what has happened to me and the ones I love. You don’t want to be my enemy. It’s a bad place to be. And once you are marked as su...

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind.  I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine.  I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy.  I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...