Skip to main content

Expected.




You betraying me again was expected. You keep twisting the knife. Should I expect anything less or anything more. Nope. This is the game you are playing.


You and I will always be at fucking war. This is a given. You will always hurt me and I will always be fucking angry about it and I will feel betrayed. You win. You have earned my hatred again. That’s where we should stand. You hurting me is exactly what’s right in this world. 


You need to look at you’re world and quit asking the world for sympathy when you’re crying. Everything wrong in you’re world save one moment with us, has always been you’re fault and you’re decision . But, of course I’m worthless and a throw away part of you’re life as you please. 


Yet you always come back, I never have not in twenty years. There is a reason for that. I walked away. I didn’t fight for you. You are my heart and you fucking broke it for good when he was a baby. That’s why I never looked back and fought for you. Invited me home after you kicked me out and I had to hitchhike across Hamilton and into brantford in a blizzard, then taking my kid away multiple times? Let’s not even mention the broken fucking window in Thorold, the allegations that cost my career and my soul, I did fucking time to protect you, I could have beat it but I needed to protect you more.


You asked me to stay and not leave for Windsor or Calgary. I’ve honoured you for 3 years on that request and yet you betray me. You always betray me. It’s fucking humorous and expected. You are predictable.


I’m not even angry this time. I knew it was coming. I just don’t care. I will never care. I evolved past you and you’re childish behaviour a long time ago. And I have real fucking responsibility here, I have to care for someone else.


I’m sorry I didn’t know how to do that for you when we were together. And I know you’re jealous I won’t now. But you won’t or can’t give me that opportunity and just judge a young boy in college and his first few years of university for everything bad in you’re life, I’m not that boy anymore. Because of you I’m even more battle hardened than I was before. Because of you there is something missing from my soul. 


I am broken, but you’re behaviour is constantly expected. I’m used to it, I’ve been used to it for a generation.


Look at what we made and how you’ve destroyed his life, because you’re own needs and interests are more important.


I’m not angry. You don’t deserve that from me. I heard you’re voice last week and I have felt you pulling on me all week. You don’t need me, then why do you pull on me. I’m just numb, I can’t feel anything.


I’m just trying to figure out why you come back every time you fail. There’s no future here, and one day you will hurt me enough to throw that ring into the niagara river, with me and the Kurt cobian jacket following shortly after. That’s our endgame. That’s what I think you want.


Too bad I’m stronger than that and no coward.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Return To The Abyss.

If anyone thinks they can take advantage of me and the people I care about, they are sadly mistaken. I walk away from people I love because of their bullshit. Someone who is merely there in my life? Yeah, I’m fucking out. I don’t need emotional vampires that suck me dry in my life. I will walk away from anything and everything at this point. I no longer give a damn about anything other than myself when it comes to your opinion.  This decision and many others have been a long fucking time coming and to be honest I’m better off doing my own thing alone and solo. Because it’s better off for all involved. There’s still a temper and there is still the old me hidden underneath this attempt at seeking peace. I’m not a nice guy, I’ve never claimed to be a nice guy. And I’m not keeping my fucking mouth shut.  No one fucking uses me, Period. And thats all I’ve felt I’ve been over the last few years. By a number of people in my professional life and my personal life. So maybe at this mom...
Post a Comment
Read more