Skip to main content

Summer of Hell


 


Either I’m everything you blame when you’re in pain and dealing with issues that others have caused or in you’re fucking hero that’s going to save you that you fucking keep at arms length for some reason. You need to decide which one, I can’t keep hurting like this. I’ll always be here and I’ll always answer that damn phone but you scared me this morning. And as always I have no fucking answers.


I just expect more of the same on this roller coaster this summer. That’s the price of unconditionally loving you I guess. But I think that is exactly what you need. Me to always be there. Till the end. No matter how much it fucking hurts me to be the back up plan you’ll never take.


You made you’re choice a very long time ago and I continue to suffer for it, because you destroyed me and I know you regret it, and now you’re destroying yourself and you’re making me watch because I wasn’t there in the moment you needed me most.... always at arms length. My stomach and chest are twisting me apart with every phone call like this, especially the ones where I have to be concerned about you’re fucking mental health and my sons safety. I should be sleeping and instead I’m wracking my brain trying to figure us out and if I should come down to save you, if that’s what you truly want or if it would be a fools gambit and make things worse.


I’m just expecting more hurt, and I’m expecting you to be hurt more, and not by my actions. Only by you’re own. And that’s where this all started didn’t it. You’re own actions. But you’ll always blame me. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period. 
Post a Comment
Read more

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world.  I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works.  You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun. 
Post a Comment
Read more