Skip to main content

Nightmare To Remember



Its time for me to remeber who I am. I am not someone to be fucking loved, I am someone to be feared. I have tried for far to fucking long to try to be the good person everyone has always told me that I'm not.... so why not embrace all the negative qualities? I might have a better life if I was selfish and walked all over people with no regard for their emotions. Girls dig the assholes that treat them like shit anyways. Why try to be the hero, everyone already thinks I'm DOCTOR FUCKING DOOM anyways. 

I can't give you any quarter because backing down is not in either of our nature's, and being at war and the enemy of each other is the natural state. That way you dont have to deal with pain. Its understood. Its why historically I have allowed you to paint my back as your favorite fucking target. I can handle it. Hulk strongest there is. Every knife you've ever had has already been slipped between my ribs. Theres not much vertebrae left.

I am angry. That's all i am. I am always angry. That's how I was able to find peace in my life and my mind. Because I've always been angry its helped me survive, its helped me to fight. Now I dont need to do either of those things. It helps me to be balanced. I'm still angry inside but its helping me be balanced and not always ready to destroy things. The threat and ability to destroy things and people is always there. But its not needed. But its always an undercurrent. 

I may fall, I may fail, I may break. But you will never break me and you will never hear me surrender. Love me, hate me, want to fucking kill me, you will fucking remeber me. And I dont really give a damn anymore if anyone loves or hates me as long as they respect me. If that means they have to fear me to. So fucking be it.

I don't live on past glories while it seems like that is the only place you exist anymore. I'm not him. I walked away from all the bad parts a long time ago. I walked away from all the good parts when I was forced to as well. Now all I am is empty. But I am at peace and I will shatter anyone that trys to endanger that peace or those that I care about.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Trees.

  I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about.  I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love.  Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love.  The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do.  And only one of us has it. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change  This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you. 
Post a Comment
Read more