Nikk's Blog of doom!!!

We had a good weekend and i'm off to buy the birthday present today... pretty happy about the way things turned out ended up getting rid of the ps2 and the n64 today which means a little more cash flow. he didn't want to go home last night, it broken my heart to tell him he had to go home because he had to go to school tommorow, he kept crying it's still the weekend i want to stay with you.... i really have to resolve the Friday night situiation because he needs that time with me.... let's see where i'm working in the new year... supposed to go to the parent teacher we'll see how that goes. Current mood: happy, misses him.

It's a good day and he's happy.. we went to the children's mesuem, mcdonalds with the big tree for lunch and now we hanging out at the library.. sometimes when my troubles and the nonsense around me and my job, house and life get complicated all I need to do is spend a few hours with him to realize why i'mrying so goddamn hard to make a good life for him.... life may be complicated but it's worth it when he's happy. Current Mood: Content

Nostalgia is nice for a moment... i spent enough time in Toronto today to enjoy a cup of coffee i was easily reminded about what i hate that city and would only go there seeking full time employment... all i see in Toronto are memories of someone i used to be... i had less worries and sometimes i wax nostalgic for that period of time as well.. but then i remember that things weren't always spare change and glory i went threw some rough times back then.... at least now i have accomplishments in my life i can look back upon and i don't need to be sitting on a street corner asking for a handout.... Toronto is a memory... much like everything else in my life... i am only anywhere for a short while and then i move on... it's the nomadic life for me.... the only attachments that last for me are the ones i choose... and the responsibilities i choose. Current Mood: Tired. Someone take these dreams away That pointed to another day A duel of personalities The stranger true reality Th...

I saw a rainbow today... proving that even with a dark cloud overhead there can still be things of wonder...things are changing as i got the apartment but i have to budget myself to death as a result of work.... and make alternate plans.. i won't shed a tear for this job if one of the other 2 interviews proves succesful.... Current Mood: Positive.

..... the bullshit continues.. at this point i don't care anymore.. if my son is going to suffer if i get another job i am thinking am going to give notice at my current job.. if you want me to work weekends and then when i have made fucking arrangements to be availible and given up the last 2 months of weekends with my son i think it's time for a carrer change... i'm am not waisting my talents, my time or my stress levels with this mickey mouse organization if this nonsense is going to continue.. i can't live on 13 fucking hours a paycheque.. i might as well not even be working... fucking clowns...i'm sick of the politics and nonsense anyways and i have other options...time to start exploring them, hopefully the Ymca or oznam house in toronto will be the next fucking option cuz my current employment is a joke and i'm seriously starting to feel that more harm than good is being done when it comes to the staff and money matters around it.... i'm sick of bitin...

I know that i have other options and i am persuing them but there are things that i won't or can't do. the frustration is less now that i have pay in my hand and i am seeing things a little more clear... there are still some serious frustrations but i need to wait and see and see how the next few weeks play out... it's all about patience and the next step... i think making myself and others miserable isn't helping tho.. but i've made my choices and i'm comfortable living in my skin... most of the time. Current Mood: Positive. You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” Albert Einstein

I don't know what to believe in anymore... i am getting increasingly frustrated with the nonsense at work and the political bullshit and the back biting... i should have my paycheque in hand today and it's nonexistent... fucking ridiculous.. at least theres another option later this week at the downtown Y? i dunno.. too many things to be pissed at currently... fucking ex and her nonsense... the fact i can't afford to give little man a decent Xmas without stretching my budget and wallet to the limit... what the fuck is with employment when i was able to do a better Christmas for my child on welfare living in Thorold than being employed in Hamilton.... i should not have to be selling possessions like my Ps2/x box's etc just to survive and have nice things for him and his birthday.... yes i don't play with them as much anymore and little man has his Wii... but whatever i shouldn't be buying his birthday present with money from that? then again it's not like i ...