Disillusionment.

this is a weird sensation, the lack of drive or feeling for anything, I really think it's time for me to move on but to what and where? I see absolutley nothing at my current employer that entices me to stay with them except a night shift that it's constantly the same over and over agian and i don't feel anything but judged for being difrent and not completely the societal norm they expect me to be, I am an artist and I have other ways of expressing myuself, If i wanted to be trapped in a dead end job for minuimim wage that is going nowhere i could always work at harveys, I'm frustrated and bored and i need something new in my life... Even reaching out to faint hope of the former partner who is merely playing mindgames to get what she wants out of life, I don't care enough to follow her into the abyss either, I am looking for a change too, but i'm doing it for myself not for any chance of reconcilation or any type of hopeless dream.

Current Mood: Frustrated.
The longer you stay in one place, the greater your chances of disillusionment.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Dying False King.

I am a ghost and a spectre in a lot of peoples lives that I have touched. Some I shouldn’t be, and some I have willingly walked away for my own mental health. I’m starting to get to that point with many things in my life agian. I thought it would be easier to live a simple life and just have fun but I think it’s harder than when I worked my face off as a father. At least then my enemies didn’t pretend to be my freinds and the world wasn’t falling apart slowly. Just my world. I think I prefer whatever that was then compared to what the world is now. I have my own life and adventures and I don’t need anyone that doesn’t want or need to be in my life. I have fun with what I do and don’t let negative sources affect my life. If you’re gonna drag me down, I’ll be gone. That’s how it works. You’re not going to disturb my fucking peace. That’s what the metal shows are for. That is anger’s release. Plus to have fun.

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