Operation: Mindcrime II

It was nice to actually get some rest last night and this morning without having to worry about everything in this world that's fucking wrong, but that doesn't erase the stain of everything thats wrong in the system, and it doesn't dismniss reactionary assholes and egos at my job, I really need to go into buisness for myself, time to stop hiding in the shadows and become an advocate or something that is fufilling, i am sick of this robot mode lifestyle where the clients are merely warehoused and stupid punishments are meted out even when expectations are followed, everyone has their own feifdoms and ther is no real communication, I am sick of fighting losing battles, it doesn't help when The kids are feral due to poor food choices of their and my overseers, I can't change anything there but i find the lack of rules, the lack of follow thru and the lack of some of their basic rights is understanbly getting to me, and the fact that it has arisen a crisis which is playing heavily on my mind and personal safety and created an enviorment where I am less than 100% because of sleep exhaustion because of a credible threat that was dismissed first hand and I have had to follow up in the long term. enough is enough and it's time for the change, and the first agent of change is inside me.

Current Mood: Rested but Frustrated.
Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...stranger.

Comments

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me. I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.

The Remedy

I am reminded when I need someone how truly alone I am in this world. Because for as much as I am the constant and the shoulder to cry on. The same respect isn’t accorded to me, obviously. It hasn’t been in years. This is why I have never and will never need you. I don’t need anyone. Especially when I am fucking hurting over a lost freind. I hurt, I get to do that. I’m fine with that. I process and move on. I spend a couple days where I block out the world and keep going but I’m fine. I don’t accord anyone I don’t trust or respect the time of day. It’s not about who it is. I’ll willing burn a bridge im fucking standing on if it means I take you with me if I see you as my enemy. I’m on a quest for peace, anything that gets in the way of that or causes turmoil in my life can get the fuck out of my way or become ash, because I will go the fuck thru you. Affect my responsibilities in my life, I will accord the same respect you do to them, I don’t mind being a blunt instrum...

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