Operation: Mindcrime II

It was nice to actually get some rest last night and this morning without having to worry about everything in this world that's fucking wrong, but that doesn't erase the stain of everything thats wrong in the system, and it doesn't dismniss reactionary assholes and egos at my job, I really need to go into buisness for myself, time to stop hiding in the shadows and become an advocate or something that is fufilling, i am sick of this robot mode lifestyle where the clients are merely warehoused and stupid punishments are meted out even when expectations are followed, everyone has their own feifdoms and ther is no real communication, I am sick of fighting losing battles, it doesn't help when The kids are feral due to poor food choices of their and my overseers, I can't change anything there but i find the lack of rules, the lack of follow thru and the lack of some of their basic rights is understanbly getting to me, and the fact that it has arisen a crisis which is playing heavily on my mind and personal safety and created an enviorment where I am less than 100% because of sleep exhaustion because of a credible threat that was dismissed first hand and I have had to follow up in the long term. enough is enough and it's time for the change, and the first agent of change is inside me.

Current Mood: Rested but Frustrated.
Whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you...stranger.

Comments

The Laugh Track.

I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you. I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when. Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

The Trees.

I am really bothered by someone hurting my tree. I’m not sure the next step but that’s a living thing. I know that there is no healing when our things are still affected negatively by people. I’m not sure what the next step is but I know this is part and parcel of the entire thing and that we can’t heal when people hurt the things we care about. I don’t have much but I do have a legacy to protect and there is a place where my son needs to feel safe, and I don’t think it will ever be that house agian. But once it was home, there are good memories there. There was love. Part of that is the peace that was our tree. I’m sick of people damaging the things I love. The world needs to be better and less selfish. I need peace in mine and her lives. Even if we are separate in our lives. She needs the peace and quiet I have in my life. Even more than I do. And only one of us has it.

Father and Son.

I dont know the next step. I don't claim to. I just know I'm working to rebuild a relationship that has been fractured for many years. That includes both of you. I am here. I will always be here, I have always been here that will never change This weekend was epic and it felt right. I don't know what will happen but i do know that I am at peace with being civil and polite with your mom. It was nice to have a little adventure as a family. It felt right. It what was missing in our lives. Thank you.

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