Skip to main content

Darkest Hours.

The only reason I am still breathing and not dead by my own hand right now is my firm conviction that i would never do anything to harm a child, specifically the child that matters the most in my life and if anyone was to harm him they would end up being the one not breathing, this weekend was extremely tough and my firm grip on my sanity seems almost trying at times, it's likes what's left.. she's used all of the skeletons in my closet to destroy me, my relationship with my son and my career... she knows what's important to me in this life and she's managed to destroy all of it with one vile action, I wonder what i ever did to make you hate me this way? to put ideas in that little boys head....I am disgusted by the thought and even worse I realize it is just another one of your chess moves and both me and him are merely pawns in your little game.... have i considered fucking off to Windsor and being a deadbeat dad? yes, I am almost convinced that if I gave you total parental rights and left that you would admit this whole bullshit game is just that a game... but then you'd be getting what you wanted.. total control... I'm not sure i ever want to give you that over him, I do know I'm not the only one with a dirty secret banging around in my closet and I've seen psychical proof of it, and i can provide dates.. so let's see how you do when i go on the offensive... I'm sick to my stomach that it has ever had to come to this.. but it's not unexpected given the nihilistic vain materialistic soulless cunt that you have come to be.

Current Mood: Depressed.
There's a lot of skeletons in my closet, but I know what they're wearing. I'm not gonna act all ashamed of it.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.

Bad Man.

I am not a good man, I tell people straight out that I’m not a good person. I know I’m toxic. But I embrace being the villain and being the bad guy. Being feared is better than being loved because at least that way you respect me. When it comes to someone I care about and have a responsibility to, I will always choose them over others fucking bullshit and drama. This isn’t a choice. This is my life. Period. I live it every damn day. I’m not Making any other choices. I will always choose those that I care about over people that are merely in orbit in my life and if you give me a reason to fucking doubt you? I will give u a reason to fucking fear me.  I’m just fed up, my world doesn’t need complications. My peace and my piece of mind doesn’t need complications. I have enough of those I struggle against in my personal life. This is the end game, and the end times. I deserve to be fucking happy. No one is getting in the fucking way of that. Period.