Skip to main content

The Speed Of Pain.

I shouldn't be fucking sitting here hurting as much as I am, my heart and soul lay exposed and destroyed and everything that was fucking good about me is slowly dying, It won't die alone, when I am succumbing to the more evil parts of my nature, the anger and the voilence I will fucking channel them into a white hot laser of pain, if you are going to cause this kind of pain to me, I will do the same to you, and i promise you it will never ever fucking stop....I will destroy your life as you have destroyed mine... It fucking hurts so bad to even think about him and not have him hear with me, all because of your lies.. and the fact that you have coached him to say something that never happened, with or without him at my side He is my entire life and the only thing that matters.. that won't ever change... not because of your jealousy, your need for control or your lies.. I'm his father I am never going anywhere, no matter the cost and no matter how much it fucking hurts.

Current Mood: Sad.
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

But just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.