Skip to main content

Para-Noir II

I wish I still had the energy to hate you, it would at least make the fucking pain go away... But once agian all I feel is fucking broken. That's my life. I will always mourn the love you keep pushing away. I loved you with all my heart and you destroyed me and made me an empty shell. It's too bad I don't have time for anger and hate now. I've made my peace without having you in or out my life. I just wish this wound didn't hurt so bad even after all this time.

I could have done without the last year emotionally but it was important for my to face the reality that you have never been far from my fucking heart, no matter what we outwardly have shown to each other.  Our souls are connected, and broken.  Maybe one day, but not today.

I don't know why I keep staying up every weekend staring at the phone expecting to hear you're voice... I was over you, I had walked away, I made my fucking peace with all this. Why the hell does it still hurt so fucking much? You tricked me, why did you make me fall back in love with you? Oh that's fucking right... I never fell out of love with you. You are my soulmate,and the love of my life. That won't ever change.

I just hope the sacrifice I am making right now is worth it. I didn't think there was anything missing in my life other than the obvious till you came back into it. I was wrong and im terribly sorry for that. I need you, probably as much as you needed me all these years. I'm trying babe. Things have changed. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

The Laugh Track.

  I want you in my life. Don't ever fucking confuse that for needing you in my life. Those two things are mutually exclusive to each other. I'm fine with my life and it's not my freind's and my social life that I'm jealous of. We both made our choices. My life has always been an insane carnival. You were merely an extended chapter. But if you think I'm going to sit at home being sad and depressed and shutting down because your not in my life. Your delusional. Then agian we already know this. If my life is going to be a sad comedy then I'll make it a metal massacre. I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone. The least of all you.  I sacrificed enough time on the altar of what might have been. I'm just enjoying the time that we have left. This way if it go out, it's on my own terms. I always told you that my funeral pyre will be a blaze of glory.. I just never told you when.  Now I'm gonna live and have adventures. Remain jealous. You know how ...
Post a Comment
Read more

51.

Happy birthday.  Hope you are happy and enjoying yourself. I like that we are civil and communicating but i also think you need to take some introspective time and decide the next step. I want you to be happy whether or not I am a part of your life. And i am trying very hard to be. Today, this weekend. I just want to talk to you, hear you laugh..maybe even see you smile. Thats all i want. For you to enjoy your day and hear happy Birthday from me and my son. Thats all you need..to know you are loved. Happy Birthday Baby. You are always loved. No matter what. Unconditional.
Post a Comment
Read more