Skip to main content

Para-Noir II

I wish I still had the energy to hate you, it would at least make the fucking pain go away... But once agian all I feel is fucking broken. That's my life. I will always mourn the love you keep pushing away. I loved you with all my heart and you destroyed me and made me an empty shell. It's too bad I don't have time for anger and hate now. I've made my peace without having you in or out my life. I just wish this wound didn't hurt so bad even after all this time.

I could have done without the last year emotionally but it was important for my to face the reality that you have never been far from my fucking heart, no matter what we outwardly have shown to each other.  Our souls are connected, and broken.  Maybe one day, but not today.

I don't know why I keep staying up every weekend staring at the phone expecting to hear you're voice... I was over you, I had walked away, I made my fucking peace with all this. Why the hell does it still hurt so fucking much? You tricked me, why did you make me fall back in love with you? Oh that's fucking right... I never fell out of love with you. You are my soulmate,and the love of my life. That won't ever change.

I just hope the sacrifice I am making right now is worth it. I didn't think there was anything missing in my life other than the obvious till you came back into it. I was wrong and im terribly sorry for that. I need you, probably as much as you needed me all these years. I'm trying babe. Things have changed. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Post a Comment
Read more

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no longer
Post a Comment
Read more

Fuel Injected Suicide Machine.

Pissing me off is never a good fucking option. I have a life and I don’t need to make fucking sacrifices for anyone if I choose not to.  I’m getting real fed up with simply being expected to do and arrange things so someone else can have a fucking escape. This is starting to become a fucking pattern in my life. Some I choose to do for, but others, when I’m starting to notice a fucking pattern? I’m gone. I will always be gone.  The fact I have yet to step foot in England when I have a secondary place to stay should speak volumes in terms of this freindship and how it’s no longer even.  I’m sick of things only being halfway when I’m trying with certain fucking people and I can bail and close ranks and not give a flying fuck about anyone anymore when I’m not being treated with respect esp. given to mine and my brothers financial situation. I don’t mind making sacrifices but I’m still going to make sure that my main fucking priorities are taken care of.  I’m not going to pretend to keep th
Post a Comment
Read more