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Para-Noir II

I wish I still had the energy to hate you, it would at least make the fucking pain go away... But once agian all I feel is fucking broken. That's my life. I will always mourn the love you keep pushing away. I loved you with all my heart and you destroyed me and made me an empty shell. It's too bad I don't have time for anger and hate now. I've made my peace without having you in or out my life. I just wish this wound didn't hurt so bad even after all this time.

I could have done without the last year emotionally but it was important for my to face the reality that you have never been far from my fucking heart, no matter what we outwardly have shown to each other.  Our souls are connected, and broken.  Maybe one day, but not today.

I don't know why I keep staying up every weekend staring at the phone expecting to hear you're voice... I was over you, I had walked away, I made my fucking peace with all this. Why the hell does it still hurt so fucking much? You tricked me, why did you make me fall back in love with you? Oh that's fucking right... I never fell out of love with you. You are my soulmate,and the love of my life. That won't ever change.

I just hope the sacrifice I am making right now is worth it. I didn't think there was anything missing in my life other than the obvious till you came back into it. I was wrong and im terribly sorry for that. I need you, probably as much as you needed me all these years. I'm trying babe. Things have changed. 

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