Skip to main content

Fuel For Hatred

I'm just sitting around trying to peice together whatever I can of a normal life... I have been dragged down this far, there's not much lower I can go.. constantly making deal with my own personal devils just to survive... but of course there is the whole thing that even as broken as down I still have options... I can survive this... Anger and Hatred is fuel... I can use it to feed my depressions and self doubts.. I know that lies at the end of the tunnel and that's the only goddamn thing that's important. the irony lies in the fact that I can go back to familiar behaviors to survive and go busking in Hess village on the last night of the summer and have a damn good time and I already have money in my pocket... it takes a lot more than you think to destroy me... I refuse to go down.

Current Mood: Anger.
Current Music: Within Temptation, Middle of the Night... (guess where I am at 3 am?)
Hate is ravening vulture beaks descending on a place of skulls.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Cowabunga.

Back to the job search i go... not really anything to do right now but play turtles smash up and watch tv so i decided to wander downtown and look for a job. I am feeling really good at the moment and trying to ride this positive feeling as long as it lasts and not let anything get me down. Current Mood: Positive. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

Fall Of Cybertron III: Where’s Poochie.

It is very easy for me to fade away and just get bored of other people and politics when games are played. I’m not even fucking blinking when someone else who I’ve done things for, constantly for months with no rewards suddenly forgets I exist. That’s real easy for me to fucking deal with. Con politics, games, asshole people that don’t pay there Fuckin promises from day one? Don’t call my number.  I stepped away from this shit once on my own. I have no fucking problem doing it again. I feel used and betrayed, but for me it was a Tuesday. I suspect jealousy and politics but I also know when to stick a fork in something when it’s done. I’ve got no interest being around anyone that doesn’t want me involved in there little cliques. I mean this thing was fun but from day one it was political. I don’t need stress and drama in my life. I can hang up my Wizard robe and move the fuck on. I did a great job of it on my own anyways. I don’t look amateur hour like the rest of them. And I no lon...

Forgive, Not Forget.

Things arent what they once were. not with anyone. nothing is taken on faith or trust anymore. Trust and being trustworthy is an absent concept to too many in my life. so instead of caring i think I'll just withdraw and simply not trust anyone. it worked so much simpler for decades of years. every time i let my guard down people fucking disappoint me. so its time for that to stop. I'm pretty sick of peoples petty jealousy's and drama affecting my life. Ill stand alone its what i have always done. i don't mind doing it agian. everything in my life is an adventure. some are just better than others. I've done alone my entire life, i don't need an ensemble cast to be me. and i don't need hangers on, either be my freind or be cast aside. if you're fucking two faced i will eventually find out. Im not playing politics or stupid little drama games with those i actually care about. mere acquaintance even less. I've got no fucking problem standing alone in a s...